Hows life been?
as you can see from my previous post, i decided awhile ago that i think blogging is a by product of a self-obsessed culture. but hey, when in Rome?
so update on my activities since August:
Soccer season was amazing, and i kinda still wish it was still going on, even though its getting cold out. Basically we had the awesomest team ever. it was really small, we only had 12 to 14 players depending on who was hurt, but instead of letting it bother us, the team really stepped up this year.
It seemed like this year everyone cared. In past years it's seemed like half the team was only there because they felt they had too or because they were using soccer to get in shape for basketball. This year everyone wanted to be there and it made a huge difference in how we played, how we related to one another, and how much we won. We ended the season with a 9-7-1 record, the best I've ever been on. Perhaps that's a little pathetic, but it was really a great season and I'm gonna miss it.
School is really crappy. I've never struggled with school work like this before. and its not just normal senoritis, which i have an advanced case of. No my brain is just not functioning at the usual pace. i don't understand material, i forget my homework, and Mrs minter and Mrs Schwartz's attitude about class is distracting and makes it hard to focus.
its partly my fault. haha I've been trying to be stupid for so long its finally catching up to me. Oh well.
Basketball Started a couple of weeks ago. i don't know how its gonna go. i don't even want to play, but i felt like i had to cause you know its my senior year, "last chance" and all that crap. But they team is looking good. we all work together really well and i don't think there's going to be a lot of drama, which will help. Also everyone's gotten better since last year and we have some young new talent in the form of Alexis M. Si i don't know, we;'ll see how it goes. it would help if the season wasn't so incredibly long.
Oh and i was part of stage crew for drama. i wasn't in the play because my dad was pissed at me and wouldn't let me, but also because of soccer and school work and stuff. But stage crew was fun, and the cast party was a freakin riot. me and Alex played Water Pong = ] stupid anti-alcohol christian rules. lol = ]
this fall has been pretty fun actually. the first quarter just wrapped up and my grades were ok. Ashley, Dass, Stepha and i have gotten closer because of soccer and we've been hangin out a lot. its been fun, i like having friends = ]
Now onto the subject of colleges:
I HATE COLLEGE STUFF
doing applications gives me headaches. i hate arguing with my mom about where i want to go. i hate wanting to go to smith even though its like the definition of a radically Liberal college.
and they make you write a FREAKIN TON. ugh. I'm gonna quit school and be a hobo.
and i hate hate hate hate the word lesbian.
it has such an incredibly negative connotation. Its associated with all the stuff I've been taught is wrong but i have no problem with. Why can't we just let people be in love? I've heard and understood all the arguments against homosexuality( another word i hate)but personal experience has refuted them beyond reasonable doubt. I love people who love the "wrong people" I've loved the "wrong person" for nearly a year now, and besides the usual pain of unrequited love, no one's been hurt, and i can't see why its wrong. I'm sorry i just can't.
*sigh*...ok rant is over now. Next:
There's a major update that needs to reach the people i love, but I'm super scared of how they're gonna respond, how should i say it?
And i have a new favorite song, its called "Cheap and Cheerful" by The Kills here are the lyrics:
I'm bored of cheap and cheerful
I want expensive sadness
hospital bills, parole
open doors to madness
I want you to be crazy cos you're boring baby when you're straight
I want you to be crazy cos you're stupid baby when you're sane
I'm sick of social graces
show your sharp-tipped teeth
lose your cool in public
dig that illegal meat
cos love is just a dialogue
you can survive on ice cream
you got the same needs as a dog
it's alright to be mean
it's alright to be mean
I want you to be crazy cos you're boring baby when you're straight
I want you to be crazy cos you're stupid baby when you're sane
it's alright to be mean
it's alright to be mean
I want you to be crazy cos you're boring baby when you're straight
I want you to be crazy cos you're stupid baby when you're sane
aha isn't it awesome? = ]
and i have a new hero: Thirteen from house. and the actress who plays her (Olivia Wilde) is fricken awesome. she speaks french and is a huge sponsor of doctors without borders. And shes been married for 6 years, which is fabulous and rare thees days in Hollywood.
Ok I'm done now. Respond pleez it would be super nice of you. emwads@yahoo.com for those who need it. talk to ya'll later and maybe I'll post again in a month.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
PS soccer is going really well.
Two Things:
its my birthday! well, in like a week. but still. I'll finally be seventeen. usually i really couldn't care less about the actual number, i just care about the new stuff i can do, but i hate being 16. 17 just sounds so much better i think. it doesn't really have all of the immature, negative connotations that being 16 does.
and secondly, i decided that i think that blogging is a tad narcissistic.
but that's just my opinion.
its my birthday! well, in like a week. but still. I'll finally be seventeen. usually i really couldn't care less about the actual number, i just care about the new stuff i can do, but i hate being 16. 17 just sounds so much better i think. it doesn't really have all of the immature, negative connotations that being 16 does.
and secondly, i decided that i think that blogging is a tad narcissistic.
but that's just my opinion.
Friday, August 15, 2008
i ♥ the olympics
i've decided that my future husband will be a member of the chinese gymnastics team.
phelps is cute and everything, but seriously go take a look at those guys.
phelps is cute and everything, but seriously go take a look at those guys.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
summer sucks.
agh!
summer is so frusterating.
i havn't talked to anyone in forever.
i was soooo busy before with my classes, and now i'm soooo bored now that they are over.
i miss all my school freinds, but unfortunatly, they all either live like a half an hour away or have boy freinds and best freinds they'd rather hang out with.
grrrr.
anyways. really there's nothing going on in my life right now, so i'm sure why i'm blogging.
but my B-day is in 22 days, and i'm a lil excited about that.
on the other hand, i'm sort of having a party, which is a downer, cause i suck at throwing parties, and barely any people my age will actually show up, and i just hate parties. but i have to have one casue there's really no other way to get presents, and people sort of expect people to throw parties when it's their birthday.
= [
so. i'm bored. and frustrated. and without a half decent book to read.
summer is so frusterating.
i havn't talked to anyone in forever.
i was soooo busy before with my classes, and now i'm soooo bored now that they are over.
i miss all my school freinds, but unfortunatly, they all either live like a half an hour away or have boy freinds and best freinds they'd rather hang out with.
grrrr.
anyways. really there's nothing going on in my life right now, so i'm sure why i'm blogging.
but my B-day is in 22 days, and i'm a lil excited about that.
on the other hand, i'm sort of having a party, which is a downer, cause i suck at throwing parties, and barely any people my age will actually show up, and i just hate parties. but i have to have one casue there's really no other way to get presents, and people sort of expect people to throw parties when it's their birthday.
= [
so. i'm bored. and frustrated. and without a half decent book to read.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
???
ANNOUNCMENT!:
i am officially the biggest nerd in the world.
its something that I've suspected for awhile now. but the fact was really driven home the other day, when, with out smoking anything, i met my math teacher for lunch.
harmless right?
except that it wasn't cause i was in trouble. Nope, it was for FUN.
i feel like such a dork.
but really? whats wrong with me that i enjoy the company of adults and cool people like the Schwartz twins and Mrs Reiman more that people my age? isn't it more normal for teenagers to be awkward around adults and comfortable with their peers? i don't know. I'm just a strange one i guess.
additional thought: what should i do when adults confide in me? seeing as how the only who read this are adults. help me out here. If you decided that a someone like me was the one that you could talk to about your life, how would you want me to react?
i am officially the biggest nerd in the world.
its something that I've suspected for awhile now. but the fact was really driven home the other day, when, with out smoking anything, i met my math teacher for lunch.
harmless right?
except that it wasn't cause i was in trouble. Nope, it was for FUN.
i feel like such a dork.
but really? whats wrong with me that i enjoy the company of adults and cool people like the Schwartz twins and Mrs Reiman more that people my age? isn't it more normal for teenagers to be awkward around adults and comfortable with their peers? i don't know. I'm just a strange one i guess.
additional thought: what should i do when adults confide in me? seeing as how the only who read this are adults. help me out here. If you decided that a someone like me was the one that you could talk to about your life, how would you want me to react?
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
English is my least favorite
Another idea that last post just made me think of.
do you realize how limited the english language is in its descriptive words?
i hate trying to explain how somthing looks, sounds, or especially how somthing smells. It just seems like there aren't ever the right words for what that sense ment to you.
and other languages seem much more specific in their adjectives. Its funny to listen to a pastor trying the use a paragrach of english words to try to explain somthing that the greeks said in a word.
do you realize how limited the english language is in its descriptive words?
i hate trying to explain how somthing looks, sounds, or especially how somthing smells. It just seems like there aren't ever the right words for what that sense ment to you.
and other languages seem much more specific in their adjectives. Its funny to listen to a pastor trying the use a paragrach of english words to try to explain somthing that the greeks said in a word.
Language of the soul
i think one of Gods most amazin creations is music.
for me at least, the music i listen to is the side of my personality i allow to become dominant. My mom says that "music is the language of the soul." and the more i think about that the more it makes sense.
last year when i was going through my hardcore emo times, all i listened to basically was the band evanescence. They are amazing musicians, and amy lee has one of the most hauntingly beautiful voices i've heard. But the tone and feel of their songs is that of complete and total despair. I you have to listen to them to really understand.
But my attitude and feeling about everything pretty much mirrored that feeling expressed in those songs i loved. i was miserable. thats really the only was to describe it.
About the same time i decided that i needed to change was about the same time i realized how those songs were effecting me. i made a consious decision to stop listening to that kind of music. The bands whose words would say that my actions were justified. And i think more than anything else that has been my major support in rebuiling myself as somthing better. i still absolutly love the band evanescence, but i understand that i cannot allow myself to listen to them. their effect on me is too strong.
and when you think about it, even outside of that slightly embarrassing revelation about my past, when you meet someone new, and you find out that they like the same kind of music as you, there is a sudden feeling of kinship. I might be going way out on a limb here, but it's something i've noticed in myself as well as the behavior of other people.
I don't know if its just a teenager thing, but i deffinatly think music is what effects me most.
for me at least, the music i listen to is the side of my personality i allow to become dominant. My mom says that "music is the language of the soul." and the more i think about that the more it makes sense.
last year when i was going through my hardcore emo times, all i listened to basically was the band evanescence. They are amazing musicians, and amy lee has one of the most hauntingly beautiful voices i've heard. But the tone and feel of their songs is that of complete and total despair. I you have to listen to them to really understand.
But my attitude and feeling about everything pretty much mirrored that feeling expressed in those songs i loved. i was miserable. thats really the only was to describe it.
About the same time i decided that i needed to change was about the same time i realized how those songs were effecting me. i made a consious decision to stop listening to that kind of music. The bands whose words would say that my actions were justified. And i think more than anything else that has been my major support in rebuiling myself as somthing better. i still absolutly love the band evanescence, but i understand that i cannot allow myself to listen to them. their effect on me is too strong.
and when you think about it, even outside of that slightly embarrassing revelation about my past, when you meet someone new, and you find out that they like the same kind of music as you, there is a sudden feeling of kinship. I might be going way out on a limb here, but it's something i've noticed in myself as well as the behavior of other people.
I don't know if its just a teenager thing, but i deffinatly think music is what effects me most.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
polkadot coffee cups
wow i haven't posted in forever.
a few updates on my boring life and then onto the philosophy:
These college classes i'm taking this summer have been going really well. My precalc teacher is really cool, and the class is really small, there's only 5 of us, so if you have a question you don't feel like quite as much of an idiot. And one of my chief complaints about math in high school is that the class can't move fast enough. some people who don't like math or aren't good at it still have to take it and therefore the teacher has to move at a certain pace through the material. this is not the case in the courses I'm taking this summer. the class is a 16 week class compressed into the 5 week long summer semester, so we can't really slow down, which is good cause then i don't get as bored. = ]
I'm not as excited about my stat class, cause the class is HUGE and my professor is a jerk. and its 4 hours long. But i suppose it could be a lot worse.
but an unfortunate side-effect of these classes is that when my family usually goes to cape cod for a couple weeks, i had to be left behind. so for the rest of this week I'm gonna be home alone with the dog and have to go to class everyday. I'm gonna be so bored.
and I'm gonna get so fat. With out my mom giving me the disappointed look every 2 hours, there's no way I'm gonna get out there and work out lol = ]
anyways that's my life as of now, and i know i promised philosophy, i can't really articulate my thoughts right now. maybe later. but i have 4 hours of math homework do do. so I'll see ya later,
PS Mr D got a blog! I'm excited, cause normally when christian people blog about "Christianity" i feel like it has nothing to do with my life. they post personal things about their walk, and don't get me wrong, it makes my day so much better to know someone else is actually succeeding at being a good person and a good christian. but as my bible teacher Mr D said some really interesting stuff that helped me figure my life out a little bit better, and as he said several times, and a 45 minute period we don't have time to discuss many things and still get through the established syllabus.
i don't know if i just confessed to being the biggest nerd in the universe right then. but whatever.
see ya'll later
a few updates on my boring life and then onto the philosophy:
These college classes i'm taking this summer have been going really well. My precalc teacher is really cool, and the class is really small, there's only 5 of us, so if you have a question you don't feel like quite as much of an idiot. And one of my chief complaints about math in high school is that the class can't move fast enough. some people who don't like math or aren't good at it still have to take it and therefore the teacher has to move at a certain pace through the material. this is not the case in the courses I'm taking this summer. the class is a 16 week class compressed into the 5 week long summer semester, so we can't really slow down, which is good cause then i don't get as bored. = ]
I'm not as excited about my stat class, cause the class is HUGE and my professor is a jerk. and its 4 hours long. But i suppose it could be a lot worse.
but an unfortunate side-effect of these classes is that when my family usually goes to cape cod for a couple weeks, i had to be left behind. so for the rest of this week I'm gonna be home alone with the dog and have to go to class everyday. I'm gonna be so bored.
and I'm gonna get so fat. With out my mom giving me the disappointed look every 2 hours, there's no way I'm gonna get out there and work out lol = ]
anyways that's my life as of now, and i know i promised philosophy, i can't really articulate my thoughts right now. maybe later. but i have 4 hours of math homework do do. so I'll see ya later,
PS Mr D got a blog! I'm excited, cause normally when christian people blog about "Christianity" i feel like it has nothing to do with my life. they post personal things about their walk, and don't get me wrong, it makes my day so much better to know someone else is actually succeeding at being a good person and a good christian. but as my bible teacher Mr D said some really interesting stuff that helped me figure my life out a little bit better, and as he said several times, and a 45 minute period we don't have time to discuss many things and still get through the established syllabus.
i don't know if i just confessed to being the biggest nerd in the universe right then. but whatever.
see ya'll later
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Bass lines and Melodies
"why do you treat people like the bass line to your melody? merely a bland backdrop to make you look more exciting? Important but replacable.can't you see they have their own song to sing? that it may be calmer but have as much meaning as yours?"
-Elizabeth Greenwalt
yours and mine
yours is a tumble,
a riot of blazing sound,
a song that brings laughter and tears.
it is easily understood,
has depth but little meaning.
mine is of a slower tune.
of a less comforting harmony.
intentionally discordant at times,
unadorned with no pretenses.
His is rhythmic and full of life,
but not the beautiful tumult of yours,
or the deep philosophy of mine.
his heart beats to the tune of a far away drummer,
yet produces a melody just as fine.
Hers is like none before.
it has a simplicity that belies its depth.
she speaks with the simplest combinations.
her song is of reality,
at first glance bleak,
but with time becomes a song of joy in actual life.
No happy endings,
but none in total tragedy either.
can't you see they are all as well as the last?
that hers and his and mine are as good as yours?
can you stop to listen?
-Emily Wadsworth
-Elizabeth Greenwalt
yours and mine
yours is a tumble,
a riot of blazing sound,
a song that brings laughter and tears.
it is easily understood,
has depth but little meaning.
mine is of a slower tune.
of a less comforting harmony.
intentionally discordant at times,
unadorned with no pretenses.
His is rhythmic and full of life,
but not the beautiful tumult of yours,
or the deep philosophy of mine.
his heart beats to the tune of a far away drummer,
yet produces a melody just as fine.
Hers is like none before.
it has a simplicity that belies its depth.
she speaks with the simplest combinations.
her song is of reality,
at first glance bleak,
but with time becomes a song of joy in actual life.
No happy endings,
but none in total tragedy either.
can't you see they are all as well as the last?
that hers and his and mine are as good as yours?
can you stop to listen?
-Emily Wadsworth
You don't have to try. Most of us already are.
i think its truely ridiculous when people work so hard to convince people that they are "different". for several reasons:
1. in compostition we are ALL THE SAME:
we enjoy the company of people who value us.
most of us are looking for love in some form.
we are composed mostly of water and hydrocardons.
2. Actaully, when you want to be different, its because you want attention, orto separate yourself from the crowd. its because you want to be unique. not because you actaully are.
3. You make yourself look like an idiot. you wear styles that dont fit you because it makes you feel "edgy". you listen to crappy music cause no oneelse does. Theres usually a reason why something is unpopular, poor quality for example, but you ignore that for the sake of being different, when reallyyou're just the same as everyone else.
4. Finally, because every statistic happens on a bell curve, there are thosewho actually are different, in ways that aren't stylish right now. those peoplelaugh at the people who spend their time trying to be "unique" because theirdeepest, most painful desire is to be the same as everyone else.
I laugh at these people, yet feel so sorry for them as well. They live under their parents thumb. or some drive within them to do better. or feel they must earn something, when the best things in life are free. They fight to be different, i'm not sure why. I bet some psychologist could give me a good enough reason, but frankly i think i'd be easier to forget trying to be different, and just live your life with waht you have, find the differences that matter, and focus on healing those.
1. in compostition we are ALL THE SAME:
we enjoy the company of people who value us.
most of us are looking for love in some form.
we are composed mostly of water and hydrocardons.
2. Actaully, when you want to be different, its because you want attention, orto separate yourself from the crowd. its because you want to be unique. not because you actaully are.
3. You make yourself look like an idiot. you wear styles that dont fit you because it makes you feel "edgy". you listen to crappy music cause no oneelse does. Theres usually a reason why something is unpopular, poor quality for example, but you ignore that for the sake of being different, when reallyyou're just the same as everyone else.
4. Finally, because every statistic happens on a bell curve, there are thosewho actually are different, in ways that aren't stylish right now. those peoplelaugh at the people who spend their time trying to be "unique" because theirdeepest, most painful desire is to be the same as everyone else.
I laugh at these people, yet feel so sorry for them as well. They live under their parents thumb. or some drive within them to do better. or feel they must earn something, when the best things in life are free. They fight to be different, i'm not sure why. I bet some psychologist could give me a good enough reason, but frankly i think i'd be easier to forget trying to be different, and just live your life with waht you have, find the differences that matter, and focus on healing those.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
WICKED
sup crazies?
so my life right now. haha its pretty crazy.
My sis, mom and i went to see wicked on Sunday. ITS WAS AMAZING! its was almost better than it was on Broadway. which is astounding, cause it was out of this world in NYC. i think the NY the singers were better, but only marginally, and it seemed this time that the actors were more human. like they brought more emotion to their roles. which was really cool. now our seats weren't as great as they were in NY but they still were pretty good. AH! it was so fabulous! it kinda reignited my obsession with the soundtrack, i now have rememorized all the songs, and will randomly break out into.. "POPULAR! its all about popular! don't be offended by my frank analysis, just think of it as personality dialysis!" = ]
but yea when we got home, i had an 8 page paper to write for Schwartz due on Monday, so i stayed up until 4:30am to finish that, and was completely dead the next day. but i got it done, and i did a lot better than most people. most people didn't even get the requisite number of pages.
but yea life's pretty crazy! only like a week and a couple days more of school! its both amazing and sad all at the same time. Cause I'm so ready to not have homework anymore, but then again, I'm prolly not gonna see steph, meg, rach, or nikki until like halfway through the summer, which is sad, cause I'm gonna miss them like crazy. one of the downsides of having great friends, is going without them kinda sucks.
but yea, figured i needed to post, cause i hadn't in awhile. but now i'm off to go get ready for youth group!
so my life right now. haha its pretty crazy.
My sis, mom and i went to see wicked on Sunday. ITS WAS AMAZING! its was almost better than it was on Broadway. which is astounding, cause it was out of this world in NYC. i think the NY the singers were better, but only marginally, and it seemed this time that the actors were more human. like they brought more emotion to their roles. which was really cool. now our seats weren't as great as they were in NY but they still were pretty good. AH! it was so fabulous! it kinda reignited my obsession with the soundtrack, i now have rememorized all the songs, and will randomly break out into.. "POPULAR! its all about popular! don't be offended by my frank analysis, just think of it as personality dialysis!" = ]
but yea when we got home, i had an 8 page paper to write for Schwartz due on Monday, so i stayed up until 4:30am to finish that, and was completely dead the next day. but i got it done, and i did a lot better than most people. most people didn't even get the requisite number of pages.
but yea life's pretty crazy! only like a week and a couple days more of school! its both amazing and sad all at the same time. Cause I'm so ready to not have homework anymore, but then again, I'm prolly not gonna see steph, meg, rach, or nikki until like halfway through the summer, which is sad, cause I'm gonna miss them like crazy. one of the downsides of having great friends, is going without them kinda sucks.
but yea, figured i needed to post, cause i hadn't in awhile. but now i'm off to go get ready for youth group!
Friday, May 23, 2008
2 Types of Love
I've been thinking a lot about love lately. i know, time to groan and say, "omg not another whiny, self centered, immature teenager" but seriously, i've had a lot to think about lately.
see, i'm beginning to think more and More that God doesn't intend for people to be in love in the way that our culture holds up as being ideal. Even outside the issue of premarital sex, which I'm pretty sure all of my readers believe is wrong.
I talking about how in the movies they seem to completely understand each other just because. They would do anything for each other, and this love isn't earned or even considered, the two people just find that they care for each other. rather than a love built from just knowing each other so well that you can really do nothing but care for each other.
I may be the only person who this happens to, but its like the difference between a spring break friendship and the friend you've known since you were little. the spring break friendship is when you meet someone, and you just click. Really they are the only person you want to hang out with, you feel like you could tell them your secrets, and they feel the same about you. It may not be a new person, it may be someone you rediscover. But, the defining characteristic is how you suddenly feel safe, like you found someone who gets you. Another factor is that those friendships tend to be short and sweet.
While the person you've known since you were little may even be someone who if you met now, you wouldn't even like. But because of how long you've known them, you understand where they come from. you been through everything with them, you understand them through experience with them. because of that, there really is no way that you can reject them, you care for them because you understand them.
Our culture seems to place more value on the first type of relationship. the kind built on intense emotion rather than long periods of experience. And God would rather we build out relationships like the second kind of friend. which i think is sad.
anyways, I'm not sure if that made any sense at all. but its something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Especially since we'll be talking about homosexuality in bible in like a week, it will be interesting to see people's different beliefs on the value of love.
please if you have an opinion or even if you just read this, can you leave a comment? i kinda want to know what people think about this.
see, i'm beginning to think more and More that God doesn't intend for people to be in love in the way that our culture holds up as being ideal. Even outside the issue of premarital sex, which I'm pretty sure all of my readers believe is wrong.
I talking about how in the movies they seem to completely understand each other just because. They would do anything for each other, and this love isn't earned or even considered, the two people just find that they care for each other. rather than a love built from just knowing each other so well that you can really do nothing but care for each other.
I may be the only person who this happens to, but its like the difference between a spring break friendship and the friend you've known since you were little. the spring break friendship is when you meet someone, and you just click. Really they are the only person you want to hang out with, you feel like you could tell them your secrets, and they feel the same about you. It may not be a new person, it may be someone you rediscover. But, the defining characteristic is how you suddenly feel safe, like you found someone who gets you. Another factor is that those friendships tend to be short and sweet.
While the person you've known since you were little may even be someone who if you met now, you wouldn't even like. But because of how long you've known them, you understand where they come from. you been through everything with them, you understand them through experience with them. because of that, there really is no way that you can reject them, you care for them because you understand them.
Our culture seems to place more value on the first type of relationship. the kind built on intense emotion rather than long periods of experience. And God would rather we build out relationships like the second kind of friend. which i think is sad.
anyways, I'm not sure if that made any sense at all. but its something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Especially since we'll be talking about homosexuality in bible in like a week, it will be interesting to see people's different beliefs on the value of love.
please if you have an opinion or even if you just read this, can you leave a comment? i kinda want to know what people think about this.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
All good things must come to an end.
life has been goin really well latly.
and i'm absolutly terrified.
i'm scared its gonna end. i'm scared these people will stop caring about me. I know how easily a close freindship can become intense hatred. and it can happen fast. i'm scared these people i care so much about will shut me out. i'm scared i'll say the wrong thing, let to much out at once. i'm scared they will see the real me and be repulsed.
Anyways, life has been good lately. =
and i'm absolutly terrified.
i'm scared its gonna end. i'm scared these people will stop caring about me. I know how easily a close freindship can become intense hatred. and it can happen fast. i'm scared these people i care so much about will shut me out. i'm scared i'll say the wrong thing, let to much out at once. i'm scared they will see the real me and be repulsed.
Anyways, life has been good lately. =
Saturday, May 17, 2008
an amazing day.
friday was amazing.
chapel was semi interesting, matt didn't tell the Ice cream truck story this time, which is a plus. the worship was ok, it didn't really seem like they had practiced, but hey, its the end of the year and nobody really cares anymore anyways.
there was an incredible amount of drama that day. like three people were sobbing in multiple classes, and it seemed like there was a lot of boy trouble. nicole and steve are still annoyed at eachother, but thats a long story. it was a wierd day in that respect, but frankly i don't mind.
i didn't finish a chemistry test we had that day, so even though i only had like 3 problems to finish, i skipped all of art. and after i was done, i sat and talked to steph for the rest of the period. which was fun, even though it seemed like she was in a wierd mood. oh! right, darius was gone that day, thats why she was talking to me. i got it now.
anyways, it had been a while since i had last posted, so i figured i'd fill you in on a great day i had. = ]
chapel was semi interesting, matt didn't tell the Ice cream truck story this time, which is a plus. the worship was ok, it didn't really seem like they had practiced, but hey, its the end of the year and nobody really cares anymore anyways.
there was an incredible amount of drama that day. like three people were sobbing in multiple classes, and it seemed like there was a lot of boy trouble. nicole and steve are still annoyed at eachother, but thats a long story. it was a wierd day in that respect, but frankly i don't mind.
i didn't finish a chemistry test we had that day, so even though i only had like 3 problems to finish, i skipped all of art. and after i was done, i sat and talked to steph for the rest of the period. which was fun, even though it seemed like she was in a wierd mood. oh! right, darius was gone that day, thats why she was talking to me. i got it now.
anyways, it had been a while since i had last posted, so i figured i'd fill you in on a great day i had. = ]
Friday, May 9, 2008
Chapel and some other stuff.
so today we had the most crazy/awkward/interesting chapel ever. It was cool cause instead of having some old guy preach at us stuff we already heard before like they usually do, they decided to mix up the semi annual sex talk chapel and make it interesting.
they had a panel of people that were supposed to answer questions that people had submitted anonymously over the course of the week. these question could be about anything, and we covered subject form modesty to whether or not recreation alcohol is really wrong. it was quite interesting.
Mr nelson however, took it upon himself to be completely frank and honest about the male perspective on things, and said some stuff i never ever wanted to hear a middle aged man who i see everyday, say. But on the other hand it's Mr nelson, most harmless man ever. it was quite funny, i think that if it had been another man teacher it would have been a lot worse.
it was cool though, cause even under all the awkwardness some real question were asked, more than just the usual "my life sucks" questions. and I'm kinda looking forward to having this type of chapel again. partly because it was different, partly because it felt like the answers that the panel was giving were good, well thought answers that weren't just to get us to shut up, or to make sure we knew that as student we are second rate human beings. cause usually that's how stuff like this ends up, with the adults asserting their dominance, and the kids just tune out.
anyways yea that was cool. the rest of the day was kinda weird. I'm so happy this week is over. it was just weird and stressful and full of drama that i was effected by but not part of. which is the worst, because then you don't actually know whats going on, you just know that people your care about are upset, and you can't do anything about. grr. frustrating. = [
and i need to get started on my research paper. i don't even have a real bibliography yet. i haven't been to the library, and i don't know when I'll have time, and all of our note cards are due next Thursday. i am so screwed! and this is like a 300 point assignment. it doesn't help that i have to go to the library all by myself and spend the whole freakin day there with no one to talk to. i don't know, maybe I'll call Nikki and we'll make a day of it. maybe get Starbucks or something. i don't know.
i need to get a job, cause it looks like we're gonna have to buy a new car for me cause my intrepid decided to blow a cylinder. and i have no money, and if i l;eave it up to my parents I'll Prolly end up with an old dodge mini van or something. so if any of ya'll who read this know of a place that's looking to hire. let me know k? lol = ]
sorry about the massive amount of random topic switching. =
they had a panel of people that were supposed to answer questions that people had submitted anonymously over the course of the week. these question could be about anything, and we covered subject form modesty to whether or not recreation alcohol is really wrong. it was quite interesting.
Mr nelson however, took it upon himself to be completely frank and honest about the male perspective on things, and said some stuff i never ever wanted to hear a middle aged man who i see everyday, say. But on the other hand it's Mr nelson, most harmless man ever. it was quite funny, i think that if it had been another man teacher it would have been a lot worse.
it was cool though, cause even under all the awkwardness some real question were asked, more than just the usual "my life sucks" questions. and I'm kinda looking forward to having this type of chapel again. partly because it was different, partly because it felt like the answers that the panel was giving were good, well thought answers that weren't just to get us to shut up, or to make sure we knew that as student we are second rate human beings. cause usually that's how stuff like this ends up, with the adults asserting their dominance, and the kids just tune out.
anyways yea that was cool. the rest of the day was kinda weird. I'm so happy this week is over. it was just weird and stressful and full of drama that i was effected by but not part of. which is the worst, because then you don't actually know whats going on, you just know that people your care about are upset, and you can't do anything about. grr. frustrating. = [
and i need to get started on my research paper. i don't even have a real bibliography yet. i haven't been to the library, and i don't know when I'll have time, and all of our note cards are due next Thursday. i am so screwed! and this is like a 300 point assignment. it doesn't help that i have to go to the library all by myself and spend the whole freakin day there with no one to talk to. i don't know, maybe I'll call Nikki and we'll make a day of it. maybe get Starbucks or something. i don't know.
i need to get a job, cause it looks like we're gonna have to buy a new car for me cause my intrepid decided to blow a cylinder. and i have no money, and if i l;eave it up to my parents I'll Prolly end up with an old dodge mini van or something. so if any of ya'll who read this know of a place that's looking to hire. let me know k? lol = ]
sorry about the massive amount of random topic switching. =
Thursday, May 8, 2008
my life
i'm am so ready for school to be over! i'm so sick of haveing to get up early and go to a place i hate, and do work i hate doing, and see people that make me sad, when i know that i only have like a month more to go. if summer wasn't ever coming i think i could prolly get over it, but right now i just want a fast forward button!
and my car broke down. it just stalled in the middle fo the road and i couldn get it satrted again. so i called my granpa nd he towed it home. so now its sitting next to the gym, not drivable. we're either gonna sell it for parts, or put down the 2000 dollars to get a new engine put in. frankly i'd rather just get a new car for cheap. but its up to the parents. grr
and my car broke down. it just stalled in the middle fo the road and i couldn get it satrted again. so i called my granpa nd he towed it home. so now its sitting next to the gym, not drivable. we're either gonna sell it for parts, or put down the 2000 dollars to get a new engine put in. frankly i'd rather just get a new car for cheap. but its up to the parents. grr
Friday, May 2, 2008
Poetry For English class.
We were supposed to write in free verse and as if we were writing from beyong the grave.
Elizabeth Greenwalt
I don’t know who I was.
Some men called me smart,
They said I would do anything I wanted.
Some said I was strong of heart and body,
That I could work harder than anyone,
And that I would do well.
Some called me driven and motivated,
And said that I would go places.
I don’t know who I was,
But I know that my intelligence made me sad,
And even though I worked until my back was bent and my fingers gnarled,
I never impressed the one person that mattered to me.
And even with all that drive and motivation,
The only place I went was six feet under.
Jack Perkins
I think Arabia was one of the best.
The endless oceans of dry sand where beautiful to me.
I was never one to enjoy the wet,
So Panama and the Congo weren’t much fun.
The Beauty of the age old architecture of Prague,
And the pain filled memories of Auwshwitz have stayed with me.
London is calling,
And Paris, always so full of life and culture.
But it’s the nights in Italy I remember the best.
It was the place you wanted to go first,
And therefore the place I took you.
I showed you Venice, Rome, and Naples.
We even spent a day in the Vatican.
We promised we’d go back.
But we got home and I got sick.
The doctors said three to fours months.
I thought, “time enough at least for Italy.”
You said no, money better to be spent on me.
But here I am,
We never got back to Italy,
And I’ll never get back to you.
Elton Kelly
I loved music
I loved the way it flowed
I loved how it could tell a story,
Could express emotion better than words.
My mother called it the Language of the Soul.
Yup, I think it’s music I miss the most.
Elizabeth Greenwalt
I don’t know who I was.
Some men called me smart,
They said I would do anything I wanted.
Some said I was strong of heart and body,
That I could work harder than anyone,
And that I would do well.
Some called me driven and motivated,
And said that I would go places.
I don’t know who I was,
But I know that my intelligence made me sad,
And even though I worked until my back was bent and my fingers gnarled,
I never impressed the one person that mattered to me.
And even with all that drive and motivation,
The only place I went was six feet under.
Jack Perkins
I think Arabia was one of the best.
The endless oceans of dry sand where beautiful to me.
I was never one to enjoy the wet,
So Panama and the Congo weren’t much fun.
The Beauty of the age old architecture of Prague,
And the pain filled memories of Auwshwitz have stayed with me.
London is calling,
And Paris, always so full of life and culture.
But it’s the nights in Italy I remember the best.
It was the place you wanted to go first,
And therefore the place I took you.
I showed you Venice, Rome, and Naples.
We even spent a day in the Vatican.
We promised we’d go back.
But we got home and I got sick.
The doctors said three to fours months.
I thought, “time enough at least for Italy.”
You said no, money better to be spent on me.
But here I am,
We never got back to Italy,
And I’ll never get back to you.
Elton Kelly
I loved music
I loved the way it flowed
I loved how it could tell a story,
Could express emotion better than words.
My mother called it the Language of the Soul.
Yup, I think it’s music I miss the most.
Friday, April 25, 2008
i love bumper stickers
hello. i know i havn't blogged in forever. aha but since no one knows out this blog anymore, no one will mind lol = ]
these past three days have been amazing. like totally unexpectedly fabulous. not for any particular reason, but they just were.
It wasn't because of some event i was hoping for, or because of some actual, identafiable reason. i just didn't feel awkward, i didn't feel ugly and fat(which is how i feel noramally. don't feel bad for me thats jsut how i am)
for some reason the serotonin was just flowing more than usual. Its funny, when you're sad or upset, and pretty much all you want is for someone to notice and maybe just talk to you, no one seems interested in being anywhere near you. but when you're happy, or just calm and content and frankly couldn't care less whether or not anyone talked to you, that's when people decide to be friendly. kinda ironic don't ya think? it makes me laugh.
these past three days have been amazing. like totally unexpectedly fabulous. not for any particular reason, but they just were.
It wasn't because of some event i was hoping for, or because of some actual, identafiable reason. i just didn't feel awkward, i didn't feel ugly and fat(which is how i feel noramally. don't feel bad for me thats jsut how i am)
for some reason the serotonin was just flowing more than usual. Its funny, when you're sad or upset, and pretty much all you want is for someone to notice and maybe just talk to you, no one seems interested in being anywhere near you. but when you're happy, or just calm and content and frankly couldn't care less whether or not anyone talked to you, that's when people decide to be friendly. kinda ironic don't ya think? it makes me laugh.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
hehe oops
haha i just relized that it was right after i told everyone that i was not blogging any more that i started blogging again. oops =]
Monday, April 14, 2008
survey
When was the last time you really laughed?
prolly saturday night with ashley
Do you twirl or scoop your spaghetti?
how would you scoop spaghetti? i twirl it
do you drink milk straight from the carton?
nope
Who knows a big secret about you?
ori, kay and now annie i think
How long is your hair?
around my shoulders, a little longer
Do you like Batman?I have never seen Batman!
who was the last person to say "i love you"?
someone at the cast party. we were all in a really "i love you" kinda of mood. wierd...
Do you like anyone now?
yes = ]
When was the last time you sang out loud?
today
What did you have for breakfast?
eggs and toast
Is your birthday on a holiday?
nope. nowhere near a holiday. unless labor day counts
What instant messaging service do you use?
trillian (AIM)
Can you cook?
yes. i love to cook!
Did you have a nap today?
nope
What was the reason you got in trouble last?
i think when Mrs. Shwartz caught me chewing gum in school
What do you wear more, jeans or sweats?
jeans
Want some green beans?
no. and that is a superly random question
Where did you get the shirt you’re wearing?
its the tee-shirt for our play
Do you have any regrets?
yup
Do you use an alarm clock?
yup
Where was your default My Space picture taken?
at the creek
Do you ever snort when you laugh?
nope
Whats the first thing you notice of the opposite sex?
i don't really know.
What color is your favorite shoe?
addidas sandals = ]
Who would you like to see right now?
a bunch of people.
Are you a social or antisocial person?
depends on the day.
Have the cops ever come to your house?
don't think so
Do you have a tan?
ha no. i'm so white i'd glow in the dark
Would you rather sleep with someone, or alone?
with someone prolly. idk. i've never thought about it
What radio station do you listen to?
the drive, 98 pxy, 98.9. WCMF, 106.7,
Are you afraid of the dark?
not really
Have you ever been in a pit?
not that I know of
Do you miss someone today?
yes. ori and some people from skool
What’s your favorite song?
i have lots
Who’s your last missed call?
a wrong number
What’s your favorite commercial at the moment?
i don't know
Do you always wear your seat belt?
when i'm driving yes. when i'm riding in someone else's car, no. its weird i know.
Do you like bananas?
yes
What do you wear to bed?
t-shirt or wife beater, and Pj pants
Who was the last person to disappoint you?
no comment
Do you trust people?
no
What does your 5th text message in the inbox say?
" i was just getting to school" from rickey
Is there someone you want to fight?
nope
Do you know what you want to do with your life?
be a doctor. go to Haiti as many times as i can. raise a family with kids that love God. and that's weird, cause that particular desire is not something i would have thought i would want. strange.
prolly saturday night with ashley
Do you twirl or scoop your spaghetti?
how would you scoop spaghetti? i twirl it
do you drink milk straight from the carton?
nope
Who knows a big secret about you?
ori, kay and now annie i think
How long is your hair?
around my shoulders, a little longer
Do you like Batman?I have never seen Batman!
who was the last person to say "i love you"?
someone at the cast party. we were all in a really "i love you" kinda of mood. wierd...
Do you like anyone now?
yes = ]
When was the last time you sang out loud?
today
What did you have for breakfast?
eggs and toast
Is your birthday on a holiday?
nope. nowhere near a holiday. unless labor day counts
What instant messaging service do you use?
trillian (AIM)
Can you cook?
yes. i love to cook!
Did you have a nap today?
nope
What was the reason you got in trouble last?
i think when Mrs. Shwartz caught me chewing gum in school
What do you wear more, jeans or sweats?
jeans
Want some green beans?
no. and that is a superly random question
Where did you get the shirt you’re wearing?
its the tee-shirt for our play
Do you have any regrets?
yup
Do you use an alarm clock?
yup
Where was your default My Space picture taken?
at the creek
Do you ever snort when you laugh?
nope
Whats the first thing you notice of the opposite sex?
i don't really know.
What color is your favorite shoe?
addidas sandals = ]
Who would you like to see right now?
a bunch of people.
Are you a social or antisocial person?
depends on the day.
Have the cops ever come to your house?
don't think so
Do you have a tan?
ha no. i'm so white i'd glow in the dark
Would you rather sleep with someone, or alone?
with someone prolly. idk. i've never thought about it
What radio station do you listen to?
the drive, 98 pxy, 98.9. WCMF, 106.7,
Are you afraid of the dark?
not really
Have you ever been in a pit?
not that I know of
Do you miss someone today?
yes. ori and some people from skool
What’s your favorite song?
i have lots
Who’s your last missed call?
a wrong number
What’s your favorite commercial at the moment?
i don't know
Do you always wear your seat belt?
when i'm driving yes. when i'm riding in someone else's car, no. its weird i know.
Do you like bananas?
yes
What do you wear to bed?
t-shirt or wife beater, and Pj pants
Who was the last person to disappoint you?
no comment
Do you trust people?
no
What does your 5th text message in the inbox say?
" i was just getting to school" from rickey
Is there someone you want to fight?
nope
Do you know what you want to do with your life?
be a doctor. go to Haiti as many times as i can. raise a family with kids that love God. and that's weird, cause that particular desire is not something i would have thought i would want. strange.
i ♥ drama!
I'm back!
lately I've been suffering from blog with drawl. and especially now that the play is over i needed to write something! so I've decided, that i will blog. and do so regularly but there will be little to no personal info disclosed. yay = ]
OMG THE PLAY IS OVER!!! = [[[[ I'm so sad! bee was right in saying that the play is like a three month long high. the4 last week with all the dress rehearsals and all the crazy busyness, its the best. even when everyone is all stressed out and annoyed with each other, its still an awesome time.
last week was seriously the best performance week I've ever been through, i mean bee did her usual flipping out cause things weren't just right, and of course Andrew got all emo and pity me because he was "soooo incredibly stressed out" please, people, take yourself less seriously, it wasn't even that stressful. don't get me wrong i love Andrew to death, hes a really cool guy, but seriously. And of course there was drama with Renee and Tim and Beth and Greg, but that wasn't unusual.
We all got to be Friends and there was little to no backbiting or fighting, and its was just over all a really fun experience. Ashley and i are scary when we are together, cause we both posses an ability to deliver scathing sarcasm, and we just let it out on each other cause we both know we can handle it. it was so funny when i drove hadassah and Ashley to bee's house, cause Ashley and i were talking, and hadassah was like "holy crap you guys are so mean to each other!" and it was really funny. = ]
I'm so glad i was convinced to be in You the Jury, cause otherwise i wouldn't have all these amazing memories. I never would have got to know bee and em, and my opinion of all the people i have been in drama with would be entirely different. Like Mrs Shwartz! I'm so glad I've been able to talk to her through drama cause shes totally different than she is in school.and when you think about it, there was no way i would have been able to get through last year without drama. I mean seriously i think it kept me from going the rest of the way insane. like when i was all crazy emo and stuff, that one time Kay and i got in trouble for Kay leaving practice without telling anyone, jus the way bee handled the whole thing, i think helped me turn my life around, so don't let anyone ever tell you that drama is a waste of time. at least not at Lima.
to have directors and volunteers who present a Christ like example is such an incredible blessing. and even more than being great people, thats what i would have liked to said to bee and em, i would have loved to thank them for their awesome example and their ability to love everyone in a godly way. this is awkward to write about so I'm gonna stop. but basically, i ♥drama!
sorry. personal suject matter. but from here on out, no more.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
goodbye, farewell
hey crazy kids.
hows it goin? I've decided that being responsible is kinda annoying. i don't want to be responsible. i don't want to look for scholarships. don't want to work out. i don't want to study for my SATs. i want to sit and eat and watch TV.
but anyways. i think I've figured out a way to deal with my life. its not very effective. but it'll do until school is over.
and I've decided that there will be no more blogging for Emily. when Mrs Schwartz came up to me and started talking about how she read my blog. i decided to be done. so, if people are interested in how i am, rather than looking on the world wide web, they can send me a text.
= ] peace out.
hows it goin? I've decided that being responsible is kinda annoying. i don't want to be responsible. i don't want to look for scholarships. don't want to work out. i don't want to study for my SATs. i want to sit and eat and watch TV.
but anyways. i think I've figured out a way to deal with my life. its not very effective. but it'll do until school is over.
and I've decided that there will be no more blogging for Emily. when Mrs Schwartz came up to me and started talking about how she read my blog. i decided to be done. so, if people are interested in how i am, rather than looking on the world wide web, they can send me a text.
= ] peace out.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
favorite song!
It's 2:45 the baby takes his 1st breath
the mother never knew he only had a few left
and the father gets a call in the middle of the night
his breath gets short and his chest gets tight
But he's 16 and he's driving too fast
takes a turn to the left, it would be his last
nobody knows what happens if he turns to the right
no body in the car woulda died that night
But he's 32 and invincible
the cancer he had it was visceral
he never saw it coming
but he had his own life
sick in the morning and he died in the night
We're all so
We're on the line
We're all
We're all [oh]
We're wasted, no no no
We're all wasted
We're wasted, no no
We're all wasted
He's 7 years old, got his bat in his hand
he's looking for his father and he doesn't understand
'coz dad's too busy got some deals on the way
his son sits alone as the children play
And he's 18 he couldn't wait to move out
his parents wonder what the rush is about
they never bothered with his dreams only thinking of theirs
wonder's why he doesn't call and why he doesn't care
But he's 32 and invincible
witheverything he is based on principle
he never had a truly happy moment in his life
he didn't want the kids and he didn't want his wife
We're wasted, no no no
We're all wasted
We're wasted, no no
We're all wasted
We're wasted
We're all wasted
We're all wasted, no no
We're all wasted
23 now, got his life in his hands
he's looking all around and he doesn't understand
'coz life's too busy, things get in the way
we all feel alone every single day
and im 18 couldn't wait to move out
it's been five years and now im starting to doubt
whether all my dreams are just aimless stares
looking out to someplace that isn’t there
when i'm 32 will i be miserable
wheneverything around is based on principle
well, i have a clue,ooo wouldn't it be nice
to never be alone in this wasted life
"Wasted" - cartel
the mother never knew he only had a few left
and the father gets a call in the middle of the night
his breath gets short and his chest gets tight
But he's 16 and he's driving too fast
takes a turn to the left, it would be his last
nobody knows what happens if he turns to the right
no body in the car woulda died that night
But he's 32 and invincible
the cancer he had it was visceral
he never saw it coming
but he had his own life
sick in the morning and he died in the night
We're all so
We're on the line
We're all
We're all [oh]
We're wasted, no no no
We're all wasted
We're wasted, no no
We're all wasted
He's 7 years old, got his bat in his hand
he's looking for his father and he doesn't understand
'coz dad's too busy got some deals on the way
his son sits alone as the children play
And he's 18 he couldn't wait to move out
his parents wonder what the rush is about
they never bothered with his dreams only thinking of theirs
wonder's why he doesn't call and why he doesn't care
But he's 32 and invincible
witheverything he is based on principle
he never had a truly happy moment in his life
he didn't want the kids and he didn't want his wife
We're wasted, no no no
We're all wasted
We're wasted, no no
We're all wasted
We're wasted
We're all wasted
We're all wasted, no no
We're all wasted
23 now, got his life in his hands
he's looking all around and he doesn't understand
'coz life's too busy, things get in the way
we all feel alone every single day
and im 18 couldn't wait to move out
it's been five years and now im starting to doubt
whether all my dreams are just aimless stares
looking out to someplace that isn’t there
when i'm 32 will i be miserable
wheneverything around is based on principle
well, i have a clue,ooo wouldn't it be nice
to never be alone in this wasted life
"Wasted" - cartel
Thursday, March 20, 2008
emoness could not be contained
I'm glad this week is over. its been pretty bad. I had play practice twice this week, which usually is good, but play practice is kinda pointless for me, cause in the big final scene I'm on for about 30 seconds at the end, and my big scene where i run the show is totally inconsequential. It's funny and everything, but isn't really important to the plot or the play as a whole. so basically i sit there for 3 hours and work for about an hour. if that. don't get me wrong i love my part, and i love play practice, i wish we had it every day of the week, but it's been kinda frustrating lately.
and school has been gay. its so freaking confusing to feel the way i do. Cause now there's this guy, and i have no idea what he thinks but i'm becoming attached. and that just confuses things worse.
then there are thse people who "care" about me. Which is great and all, its nice to have freinds. but i can't think of one of these people who wouldn't turn around and run away screaming if i told them why i was upset. which is upseting. lol. and ori lives in NC. it sucks havning you're best freind live so far away.
and school has been gay. its so freaking confusing to feel the way i do. Cause now there's this guy, and i have no idea what he thinks but i'm becoming attached. and that just confuses things worse.
then there are thse people who "care" about me. Which is great and all, its nice to have freinds. but i can't think of one of these people who wouldn't turn around and run away screaming if i told them why i was upset. which is upseting. lol. and ori lives in NC. it sucks havning you're best freind live so far away.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
survey.
1. Could you date someone taller than you?
yes
2. When was the last time something bothered you?
school yesterday
3. What would you do if your ex showed up at your door?
shut the door
5. What do you think of this person you took this from?
ori
6. Where was your default picture taken?
creek w/ kay
7. Who was your last text from?
aubrey i think
8. What's the most interesting thing that happened to you today?
slept till noon
9. What's your favorite number?
8
10. Are you single?
yies
11. What is your current mood?
tired
12. Last people you hung out with?
my family i guess?
13. What sports do you enjoy playing?
soccer. Basketball. softball isn't so bad
14. Do you have a crazy side?
indeed
15. Have you ever had a near death experience?
not really
16. What was the highlight of your week?
i don't remember
17. Could you date someone who was a bad kisser?
prolly. it'd be annoying though
18. Who would be the first to know if you got someone pregnant/got pregnant?
ori. or my sister
24. What's the last thing someone said to you?
"feed the cats"
25. Where is your phone?
upstairs
26. Do you like cuddling?
yes = ]
27. Who/what do you hate/dislike currently?
being home
28. Have you ever been given an engagement ring?
nope
29. Would you ever cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend?
nope
30. Would you ever date a friends ex?
depends
32. What is the last thing you thought about?
dunno
33. When is your birthday?
august 27
35. How do you feel about your hair right now?
don't really care
36. Do you miss anyone?
a couple people
37. What do you miss most about the past?
innocence
39. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating?
who can't?
41. What was your new years resolution?
lose weight
43. Do you think you lead people on?
hahahahaha no.
44. Are you afraid of falling in love?
idk. prolly. never really had the chance to be.
45. Do you have anyone who you consider a brother/sister but they really arent?
yea. cathy and ori.
47. Do you like country music?
not really.
48. Did any of your friends go out with any of your ex's?
nope.
49. Are looks important?
yes. but not the most important
50. Have you ever had someone sing to you?
nope
51. Are you mad at someone right now?
nope
52. Where do you keep your money?
haha what money?
57. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
nope. tattoo as soon as i turn 18 though = ]
58. Do you believe in love?
yes. just not for me.
59. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
after career.
60. What would you do if someone smacked your butt?
depends on who it was
yes
2. When was the last time something bothered you?
school yesterday
3. What would you do if your ex showed up at your door?
shut the door
5. What do you think of this person you took this from?
ori
6. Where was your default picture taken?
creek w/ kay
7. Who was your last text from?
aubrey i think
8. What's the most interesting thing that happened to you today?
slept till noon
9. What's your favorite number?
8
10. Are you single?
yies
11. What is your current mood?
tired
12. Last people you hung out with?
my family i guess?
13. What sports do you enjoy playing?
soccer. Basketball. softball isn't so bad
14. Do you have a crazy side?
indeed
15. Have you ever had a near death experience?
not really
16. What was the highlight of your week?
i don't remember
17. Could you date someone who was a bad kisser?
prolly. it'd be annoying though
18. Who would be the first to know if you got someone pregnant/got pregnant?
ori. or my sister
24. What's the last thing someone said to you?
"feed the cats"
25. Where is your phone?
upstairs
26. Do you like cuddling?
yes = ]
27. Who/what do you hate/dislike currently?
being home
28. Have you ever been given an engagement ring?
nope
29. Would you ever cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend?
nope
30. Would you ever date a friends ex?
depends
32. What is the last thing you thought about?
dunno
33. When is your birthday?
august 27
35. How do you feel about your hair right now?
don't really care
36. Do you miss anyone?
a couple people
37. What do you miss most about the past?
innocence
39. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating?
who can't?
41. What was your new years resolution?
lose weight
43. Do you think you lead people on?
hahahahaha no.
44. Are you afraid of falling in love?
idk. prolly. never really had the chance to be.
45. Do you have anyone who you consider a brother/sister but they really arent?
yea. cathy and ori.
47. Do you like country music?
not really.
48. Did any of your friends go out with any of your ex's?
nope.
49. Are looks important?
yes. but not the most important
50. Have you ever had someone sing to you?
nope
51. Are you mad at someone right now?
nope
52. Where do you keep your money?
haha what money?
57. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
nope. tattoo as soon as i turn 18 though = ]
58. Do you believe in love?
yes. just not for me.
59. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
after career.
60. What would you do if someone smacked your butt?
depends on who it was
Friday, March 14, 2008
Random
so I've decided that i like water color. for the longest time i would hate any art project that Mrs Dalton made us do that involved water color. But the other day i had the most random urge to go find my old watercolor set and go paint. so i did cause i had time, and now I've decided that water color isn't so horrible after all. Actually right now I'm waiting for the bottom coat of a piece to dry so i can paint a plane. a DC-3 to be exact.
i hate breaks from school. as nice as not having to wake us early is, i hate being bored. because when I'm bored, i think to much. and thinking hurts. haha yea not in that way. nope, thinking makes it feel like my lungs are missing. its hard to breath, then i kick myself cause i know i shouldn't be thinking about this kind of thing anyways. And I've decided i hate the color green. cause every time i see it, i start thinking.
anyways. My dad got home from Charlotte last night, and omg was he in an emo mood. my mom was asleep on the couch when he got home, and he managed to get it in his head that she was sleeping on the couch because she didn't want him to be home. seriously that man is worse than me as far as taking things that actually don't mean anything and assigning way to much to it.
and then he decided that the person he needed to talk to about this was me. i had managed to forget for a little while and it seemed like every thing he said blew the hole in my chest open wider. i don't know why it effected me so bad this time. it wasn't like this was the first time he had ever unloaded all he problems onto me, but it just seemed to open so many old scars. it was wierd.
Also i read my bible for the first time in awhile last night. It was nice. I'm glad though that this year i've been able to hold onto my faith. i know it's not my strength that did it. but i'm glad i still have it.
i really am a happy person. i promise.
and again. sorry about all the randomness.
i hate breaks from school. as nice as not having to wake us early is, i hate being bored. because when I'm bored, i think to much. and thinking hurts. haha yea not in that way. nope, thinking makes it feel like my lungs are missing. its hard to breath, then i kick myself cause i know i shouldn't be thinking about this kind of thing anyways. And I've decided i hate the color green. cause every time i see it, i start thinking.
anyways. My dad got home from Charlotte last night, and omg was he in an emo mood. my mom was asleep on the couch when he got home, and he managed to get it in his head that she was sleeping on the couch because she didn't want him to be home. seriously that man is worse than me as far as taking things that actually don't mean anything and assigning way to much to it.
and then he decided that the person he needed to talk to about this was me. i had managed to forget for a little while and it seemed like every thing he said blew the hole in my chest open wider. i don't know why it effected me so bad this time. it wasn't like this was the first time he had ever unloaded all he problems onto me, but it just seemed to open so many old scars. it was wierd.
Also i read my bible for the first time in awhile last night. It was nice. I'm glad though that this year i've been able to hold onto my faith. i know it's not my strength that did it. but i'm glad i still have it.
i really am a happy person. i promise.
and again. sorry about all the randomness.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Stupid
so seriously. people need to Get over high school drama. there are actually real people out there with real problems. whether or not some guy or girl will talk to you, is not a real problem. seriously people. get over yourselves.
when people get all bent out of shape about highschool it makes me want to laugh and scream at the same time. Even if you have problems, leave them with people who care, and if your biggest problem in life is some Guy whose got and head full of rocks who won't talk to you, or is mad cause you don't like him, DUMP HIS BUTT. He'll move on. and if he won't he's not worth the trouble.
So pick yourself up, stop moping around and throwing pity parties for yourself and freakin do somthing about it.
when people get all bent out of shape about highschool it makes me want to laugh and scream at the same time. Even if you have problems, leave them with people who care, and if your biggest problem in life is some Guy whose got and head full of rocks who won't talk to you, or is mad cause you don't like him, DUMP HIS BUTT. He'll move on. and if he won't he's not worth the trouble.
So pick yourself up, stop moping around and throwing pity parties for yourself and freakin do somthing about it.
Friday, March 7, 2008
i hate making up titles for these
I've decided that I'm going to stop all this self pitying nonsense. or at least keep it confined to a very small journal i keep under my mattress, and not let it out into the open. Cause face it, no one want to read that and I'm sorry for posting it.
anyways, onto less depressing subjects. I've decided that I'm going to set a goal for how many times I've blogged in a year. see blogger has this cool thing where it counts them, so it'll be easy to keep track. And instead of a vague, " i need to blog more often" I'll actually have a number to aim for. i don't know if that helps anyone else, but i always seem to better things when i have a quantifiable way to know if I'm progressing or succeeding.
my brother and i sat down and watched transformers together today. which was pleasant. i really like being home. when dad's not home i don't really have to care about what anyone thinks. And my brother and i are fairly similar, so when we're getting along we can have a lot of fun. like today, after school, he made coffee and we sat in the kitchen and he talked at me. It's nice when he does that because then i can sort of have a conversation, but he provides most of the words. Actually that's really the only thing, besides him being a guy obviously, that its different about us. I'm fairly quiet, and he never ever shuts up. Which gets annoying, but sometimes its really nice. then i went and worked out, and afterwards we played guitar hero and watched a movie. It was really nice, and knowing i don't have to go to school tomorrow made it even nicer.
i just realized i haven't really blogged about drama in awhile. well i guess right now its kinda boring. we're just blocking, most of us are still reading from scripts, and I'm only in the second act so they don't need me for most of the practices. i assume things will pick up and get more crazy as we get closer and closer to the performance.
By the way i scheduled my road test. I'm taking it on march 24th! I'm so excited! my parents should have to car fixed by then, so I'll be able to drive to work and school and stuff. it'll be nice to have that Independence. I'll prolly get so see Laura more often, cause when i have my license i can drive up there to see her. Oh! and I'm pretty sure my parents will let me drive down to see ori! Agh! i can't wait!
but right now I'm going to bed. sorry about all the randomness.
anyways, onto less depressing subjects. I've decided that I'm going to set a goal for how many times I've blogged in a year. see blogger has this cool thing where it counts them, so it'll be easy to keep track. And instead of a vague, " i need to blog more often" I'll actually have a number to aim for. i don't know if that helps anyone else, but i always seem to better things when i have a quantifiable way to know if I'm progressing or succeeding.
my brother and i sat down and watched transformers together today. which was pleasant. i really like being home. when dad's not home i don't really have to care about what anyone thinks. And my brother and i are fairly similar, so when we're getting along we can have a lot of fun. like today, after school, he made coffee and we sat in the kitchen and he talked at me. It's nice when he does that because then i can sort of have a conversation, but he provides most of the words. Actually that's really the only thing, besides him being a guy obviously, that its different about us. I'm fairly quiet, and he never ever shuts up. Which gets annoying, but sometimes its really nice. then i went and worked out, and afterwards we played guitar hero and watched a movie. It was really nice, and knowing i don't have to go to school tomorrow made it even nicer.
i just realized i haven't really blogged about drama in awhile. well i guess right now its kinda boring. we're just blocking, most of us are still reading from scripts, and I'm only in the second act so they don't need me for most of the practices. i assume things will pick up and get more crazy as we get closer and closer to the performance.
By the way i scheduled my road test. I'm taking it on march 24th! I'm so excited! my parents should have to car fixed by then, so I'll be able to drive to work and school and stuff. it'll be nice to have that Independence. I'll prolly get so see Laura more often, cause when i have my license i can drive up there to see her. Oh! and I'm pretty sure my parents will let me drive down to see ori! Agh! i can't wait!
but right now I'm going to bed. sorry about all the randomness.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
teen spirit
i really, really, really do not want to go back to school tomorrow.
even though i have play practice, and lab. i have no desire to put myself through the rest of the day for a few hours of something close to enjoying myself. i miss basketball. During basketball there was a point in getting through school. During the day when i sat by myself, or when i said something stupid, or when i couldn't think of anything to say at all, i knew that at the end of the day, after basketball, after the patruskas dropped me off at the Gym, i would be close to being ok.
i know that I'm nowhere near the end of anything, and since things are still bad, that its not over yet, but this still sucks. i know i said i was over this dark mood I've had lately, but i had this dream last night, and i wish i could have never woken up.
To know that what i want the most will never ever happen, and to know that what i want would go against every set of morals I've ever professed to have, its like being stabbed every time i let that situation play out in my head.
but who cares right? I'm just the latest screwed up teenager you've seen. nothing special, nothing exceptional. it's perfectly right and normal for you to completely forget me. It's not like anyone is mean to me. Everyone is perfectly polite and kind when they talk to me. But i can see how people pity me. They pity how i don't know how to talk to people, they laugh with their friends about how i say stupid things because i can't think of anything else to say. They may not even notice how I'm always distracted, but they know somethings not right.
and what sucks worse is that they're right. It's not them being mean. its not anyone's fault but mine. People are perfectly willing to let me in, to include me. i just don't know how to handle it.
Agh this is so frustrating
even though i have play practice, and lab. i have no desire to put myself through the rest of the day for a few hours of something close to enjoying myself. i miss basketball. During basketball there was a point in getting through school. During the day when i sat by myself, or when i said something stupid, or when i couldn't think of anything to say at all, i knew that at the end of the day, after basketball, after the patruskas dropped me off at the Gym, i would be close to being ok.
i know that I'm nowhere near the end of anything, and since things are still bad, that its not over yet, but this still sucks. i know i said i was over this dark mood I've had lately, but i had this dream last night, and i wish i could have never woken up.
To know that what i want the most will never ever happen, and to know that what i want would go against every set of morals I've ever professed to have, its like being stabbed every time i let that situation play out in my head.
but who cares right? I'm just the latest screwed up teenager you've seen. nothing special, nothing exceptional. it's perfectly right and normal for you to completely forget me. It's not like anyone is mean to me. Everyone is perfectly polite and kind when they talk to me. But i can see how people pity me. They pity how i don't know how to talk to people, they laugh with their friends about how i say stupid things because i can't think of anything else to say. They may not even notice how I'm always distracted, but they know somethings not right.
and what sucks worse is that they're right. It's not them being mean. its not anyone's fault but mine. People are perfectly willing to let me in, to include me. i just don't know how to handle it.
Agh this is so frustrating
Sunday, March 2, 2008
march 2, 2008
i'm almost recoverd from the emoness of the past few days. i have a feeling it may be hormonal.
But today is fixing to be really boring. we have the free workout at 2 o'clock today. whcih tend to be fun. we're never sure whose gonna come. hopfully we havea big crowd today, its more fun that way.
did i mention i love pandora? pandora is an awesome interenet radio site. it's my favorite.
But today is fixing to be really boring. we have the free workout at 2 o'clock today. whcih tend to be fun. we're never sure whose gonna come. hopfully we havea big crowd today, its more fun that way.
did i mention i love pandora? pandora is an awesome interenet radio site. it's my favorite.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
read it.
imagine a huge Spire of rock, in the middle of the desert, almost vertical, with few cracks or footholds throwing itself up into the clear sky, with the sun beating down as it only can in the desert.
then imagine a Rock climber who spent all day climbing to a dizzying height. he fell at the bottom a few times, he's all scrapped and bruised. but he was almost to where he wanted to be, he was almost satisfied. After getting a good grip on the rock, he took out an anchor and pounded it into the cliff to hold him there and to stop him if he fell.
Then as soon as he is finished, a condor flies at him, angry that he had come near her nest, and he goes screaming to the ground. but just a few meters before he becomes a smear on the rock below, the anchor he had secured catches him, wrenching his back, his harness pulling so tight it gives him rope burns that will scar, but it saves his life.
he hangs for a minute, dazed, but being the kind of guy who finishes what he starts, mentally he begins to steal himself to climb the rock face once again.
He begins, but now the sun is high in the sky and he knows that he doesn't have all the time in the world, so he hurries. he places less anchors and rope holds, using the time he would have spent putting in the anchors, to climb higher even then he had in the morning, in half the time. Fairly pleased with himself he pauses to put in at anchor and he pounds it in until he knows it would take a dynamite blast to take it out. hanging there for a minute to rest, knowing he has time to make it to the top before dark, he looks down at the anchor he placed earlier, the one that saved his life, thankful for that piece of metal cast by someone he never knew. Finally he looks up to the top after catching his breath, and decides he needs to get moving.
He steadily moves up the rock with his faster pace of the afternoon. he climbs and he climbs, but enjoying himself and not really noticing the time or distance fly by. he has been training for this for awhile.
but as he comes over a slight lip of rock, he pulls himself over the edge, into to face of a livid rattlesnake. The rattle snake, assuming him a predator defends itself the only way it knows how, plunging venom filled fangs into his arm. Instinctively he leaps back, into nothing. As he falls he lets out a bloodcurdling scream of pain and despair.
as he falls his adrenaline pumped body lets him watch as his hastily put in anchors began to break out as the full force of his falling frame hits them. as time slows down, he recognized the anchor he stopped to rest at earlier as he passes it.
But suddenly he stops with such speed he feels like his joints have been pulled apart. His one anchor has held, and he hangs ten yards above where he had fell to that morning.
he hangs horizontal in his harness, feeling the venom begin to burn through his arm, his back spasming in pain, his harness digging into his skin. he realizes he is not dead just yet, he's in far to much pain to be dead.
he focuses on breathing in and out, in and out. As the sun slips under the horizon, and as the night rains start to fall, he looks up the mountain.
"now what?"
then imagine a Rock climber who spent all day climbing to a dizzying height. he fell at the bottom a few times, he's all scrapped and bruised. but he was almost to where he wanted to be, he was almost satisfied. After getting a good grip on the rock, he took out an anchor and pounded it into the cliff to hold him there and to stop him if he fell.
Then as soon as he is finished, a condor flies at him, angry that he had come near her nest, and he goes screaming to the ground. but just a few meters before he becomes a smear on the rock below, the anchor he had secured catches him, wrenching his back, his harness pulling so tight it gives him rope burns that will scar, but it saves his life.
he hangs for a minute, dazed, but being the kind of guy who finishes what he starts, mentally he begins to steal himself to climb the rock face once again.
He begins, but now the sun is high in the sky and he knows that he doesn't have all the time in the world, so he hurries. he places less anchors and rope holds, using the time he would have spent putting in the anchors, to climb higher even then he had in the morning, in half the time. Fairly pleased with himself he pauses to put in at anchor and he pounds it in until he knows it would take a dynamite blast to take it out. hanging there for a minute to rest, knowing he has time to make it to the top before dark, he looks down at the anchor he placed earlier, the one that saved his life, thankful for that piece of metal cast by someone he never knew. Finally he looks up to the top after catching his breath, and decides he needs to get moving.
He steadily moves up the rock with his faster pace of the afternoon. he climbs and he climbs, but enjoying himself and not really noticing the time or distance fly by. he has been training for this for awhile.
but as he comes over a slight lip of rock, he pulls himself over the edge, into to face of a livid rattlesnake. The rattle snake, assuming him a predator defends itself the only way it knows how, plunging venom filled fangs into his arm. Instinctively he leaps back, into nothing. As he falls he lets out a bloodcurdling scream of pain and despair.
as he falls his adrenaline pumped body lets him watch as his hastily put in anchors began to break out as the full force of his falling frame hits them. as time slows down, he recognized the anchor he stopped to rest at earlier as he passes it.
But suddenly he stops with such speed he feels like his joints have been pulled apart. His one anchor has held, and he hangs ten yards above where he had fell to that morning.
he hangs horizontal in his harness, feeling the venom begin to burn through his arm, his back spasming in pain, his harness digging into his skin. he realizes he is not dead just yet, he's in far to much pain to be dead.
he focuses on breathing in and out, in and out. As the sun slips under the horizon, and as the night rains start to fall, he looks up the mountain.
"now what?"
change
i was sitting here writing down some songs i wanted to go download, and i'm kinda trying to learn to write with my left hand, so i was writing with my left hand. and i thought about somthing Emily said to me on the trip to haiti. we were talking about our families and the annoying but endearing aspects of a few particular people. and she ending up saying somthing that i'll prolly never forget. she said " people can't change who they are. like their inner, base personality. it's jsut impossible and we shouldn't expect them to."
i really hope not. i can learn to write with my left hand, now people can get surguries that really change who they are. But isn't it all pointless if we can't change who we are inside?
how hopless is this life if we hate who we are but can't change it?
but then there is the moral question. is it right to change something that God created a certain way?
i really hope not. i can learn to write with my left hand, now people can get surguries that really change who they are. But isn't it all pointless if we can't change who we are inside?
how hopless is this life if we hate who we are but can't change it?
but then there is the moral question. is it right to change something that God created a certain way?
Monday, February 25, 2008
basketball, family, school.
i'm really annoyed today.
So this season in basketball, we were about as good as everyone expected us to be. not very. But so far in sectionals we've gotten a lot farther than anyone thought we would be. and since we won tonight, Friday we're playing in the championship game against whitesville.
why is this bad you ask?
because for the past month and a half my friend and i have been planning to drive down to north Carolina to surprise visit my best friend ori. and that trip just so happened to be planned for this weekend. so now, i get to sit on the bench and watch my team play, and i get to miss something that I've been looking forward to for a couple months now.
its so frustrating. i love basketball. i love my team, my coaches, i love getting the exercise and i just love playing the game. and i thought this season would be even better than normal, because since the patruskas were gonna give me a ride home every night, my parents wouldn't whine and complain as much.
wrong. my parents constantly whine about how inconvenient basketball is. and how they hate coming to get me after games, and how my dad thinks sports are a royal waste of time. i can't get away from it! today after the game we were hanging out a little while to watch the game after ours, and one of the first things my dad and brother day to me is " i wish you guys had lost, then we wouldn't have to deal with this anymore."
who even says that? aren't parents supposed to be supportive and happy for you when your team does well in sectionals?
I'm so sick of my family. my dad whines constantly about me and what i love while ignoring more important things. my mom can't freakin put down the wine glass, and my brother is a complete jerk and yet everyone still seems to think he's god's gift to mankind. i don't understand it.
it doesn't help that school totally sucks right now. like the work doesn't bother me. I'm all caught up from being in Haiti and all my teachers still love me. but i have no one to talk to. i get to school before homeroom, stand around in the hall for a little while then start the day. i don't talk to anyone during classes, during lunch i eat out by the unused lockers in the "senior hallway" by myself. usually i read or something to pass the time.
i hate my life right now. i know I'm supposed to be content with what I'm given, but even the total scumbags i know, the people that are just absolutely repulsive, have friends. i don't know what it is about me, why i don't know how to talk to people, but i am the only person i know who is so at the bottom of the social foodchain that they have to eat their lunch hiding in the new wing.
So this season in basketball, we were about as good as everyone expected us to be. not very. But so far in sectionals we've gotten a lot farther than anyone thought we would be. and since we won tonight, Friday we're playing in the championship game against whitesville.
why is this bad you ask?
because for the past month and a half my friend and i have been planning to drive down to north Carolina to surprise visit my best friend ori. and that trip just so happened to be planned for this weekend. so now, i get to sit on the bench and watch my team play, and i get to miss something that I've been looking forward to for a couple months now.
its so frustrating. i love basketball. i love my team, my coaches, i love getting the exercise and i just love playing the game. and i thought this season would be even better than normal, because since the patruskas were gonna give me a ride home every night, my parents wouldn't whine and complain as much.
wrong. my parents constantly whine about how inconvenient basketball is. and how they hate coming to get me after games, and how my dad thinks sports are a royal waste of time. i can't get away from it! today after the game we were hanging out a little while to watch the game after ours, and one of the first things my dad and brother day to me is " i wish you guys had lost, then we wouldn't have to deal with this anymore."
who even says that? aren't parents supposed to be supportive and happy for you when your team does well in sectionals?
I'm so sick of my family. my dad whines constantly about me and what i love while ignoring more important things. my mom can't freakin put down the wine glass, and my brother is a complete jerk and yet everyone still seems to think he's god's gift to mankind. i don't understand it.
it doesn't help that school totally sucks right now. like the work doesn't bother me. I'm all caught up from being in Haiti and all my teachers still love me. but i have no one to talk to. i get to school before homeroom, stand around in the hall for a little while then start the day. i don't talk to anyone during classes, during lunch i eat out by the unused lockers in the "senior hallway" by myself. usually i read or something to pass the time.
i hate my life right now. i know I'm supposed to be content with what I'm given, but even the total scumbags i know, the people that are just absolutely repulsive, have friends. i don't know what it is about me, why i don't know how to talk to people, but i am the only person i know who is so at the bottom of the social foodchain that they have to eat their lunch hiding in the new wing.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
long, wierd day.
well this has been an interesting day.
i got up really late. and went to practice, which wasn't really a practice cause only myria, steph, hadassah and i showed up. then since dad can't plan for crap lauren and crista ended up having to come pick me up. then i hung out by myself all day. slept a lot cause the cold medicine made me sleepy. then laura and paul came over and have been here since about 8 o'clock. we got back from walmart about a half an hour ago. i had to drive them.
so i think i'm gonna go get a snack and then go to bed. cause i'm tired.
i got up really late. and went to practice, which wasn't really a practice cause only myria, steph, hadassah and i showed up. then since dad can't plan for crap lauren and crista ended up having to come pick me up. then i hung out by myself all day. slept a lot cause the cold medicine made me sleepy. then laura and paul came over and have been here since about 8 o'clock. we got back from walmart about a half an hour ago. i had to drive them.
so i think i'm gonna go get a snack and then go to bed. cause i'm tired.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
sick
ugh. i'm sick.
and seriously one of my biggest pet peeves is when somone walks into my room to say somthing, and farts. i find incredibly obnoxious that they had to do it right then, when i have to smell it and sleep in the stench. it really bothers me.
anyways. we won our second sectional game. not that anyone actually cares about girls basketball, but just in case anyone was interested. granted, we are much lesss exciting to watch than the guys. our ext game is this next monday against prattsburg. i think we can win it, but it's gonna be hard.
i'm going to bed. i hope i feel better in the morning. ugh. i hate being sick.
and seriously one of my biggest pet peeves is when somone walks into my room to say somthing, and farts. i find incredibly obnoxious that they had to do it right then, when i have to smell it and sleep in the stench. it really bothers me.
anyways. we won our second sectional game. not that anyone actually cares about girls basketball, but just in case anyone was interested. granted, we are much lesss exciting to watch than the guys. our ext game is this next monday against prattsburg. i think we can win it, but it's gonna be hard.
i'm going to bed. i hope i feel better in the morning. ugh. i hate being sick.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
....
agh!
i had somthing to say, and then blogger was dumb and i had to go change my settings and now i forgot! poop.
anyways, i was just at Bee's page, then i went to look at em's and i realized my blog is superly-duperly boring. i wish i was talented at web-page design, cause i have no clue how to do that stuff.
i had somthing to say, and then blogger was dumb and i had to go change my settings and now i forgot! poop.
anyways, i was just at Bee's page, then i went to look at em's and i realized my blog is superly-duperly boring. i wish i was talented at web-page design, cause i have no clue how to do that stuff.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
hate/want
I hate sitting here watching you cry
I hate having to say goodbye
I hate not being able to fix it for you
I hate not knowing what it is thats bothering you.
I hate not being able to sweep you up,
and have you feel better in my arms.
I want to be there for you
I want you to trust me
I want to be everything you want and need.
I hate how you trap me with your charm
I hate how you're stuck in my head,
I hate how you haunt my every dream,
and I'm scared of what i feel might possibly mean.
- Elizabeth Greenwalt
I hate having to say goodbye
I hate not being able to fix it for you
I hate not knowing what it is thats bothering you.
I hate not being able to sweep you up,
and have you feel better in my arms.
I want to be there for you
I want you to trust me
I want to be everything you want and need.
I hate how you trap me with your charm
I hate how you're stuck in my head,
I hate how you haunt my every dream,
and I'm scared of what i feel might possibly mean.
- Elizabeth Greenwalt
valentines day
i don't really like valentines day. for a few reasons.
i don't think its pointless, some guys and girls just need the reminder to tell people they love them. they may still love them if they don't say anything. but its nice to hear them say it.
I love doing nice things for people. and thats why i hate valentines day. i don't have anyone to buy flowers/card/dinner for, or to do anything sweet and thoughtful for. i'd love to have somone i could leave little notes for to lead them to a big present, or to just make their favorite kind of cookie or somthing. but i don't. and no one to say it to me.
i'm sorry i'm in really self-pitying mood right now. i should be praising God for giving me the people i have. so what if its not want i want? i'm sure he's got somone ready for me. i sure hope so.
anyways. this friday we had a sectional game, we won, which was cool, but the best part was the party we had at myria's afterward. ask me somtime. i'll tell you why it was so amazing.
But it shouldn't have been! it should have been somthing that jsut happens, somthing that no ones notices, just normal, and no one else did. but not me. its all i've been able to think about for two days now. i don't understand why God gave me this. i don't know if its supposed to help me understand other's pain, but right now it just straight-up sucks.
how're you guys? all 2 of you that read this?
i don't think its pointless, some guys and girls just need the reminder to tell people they love them. they may still love them if they don't say anything. but its nice to hear them say it.
I love doing nice things for people. and thats why i hate valentines day. i don't have anyone to buy flowers/card/dinner for, or to do anything sweet and thoughtful for. i'd love to have somone i could leave little notes for to lead them to a big present, or to just make their favorite kind of cookie or somthing. but i don't. and no one to say it to me.
i'm sorry i'm in really self-pitying mood right now. i should be praising God for giving me the people i have. so what if its not want i want? i'm sure he's got somone ready for me. i sure hope so.
anyways. this friday we had a sectional game, we won, which was cool, but the best part was the party we had at myria's afterward. ask me somtime. i'll tell you why it was so amazing.
But it shouldn't have been! it should have been somthing that jsut happens, somthing that no ones notices, just normal, and no one else did. but not me. its all i've been able to think about for two days now. i don't understand why God gave me this. i don't know if its supposed to help me understand other's pain, but right now it just straight-up sucks.
how're you guys? all 2 of you that read this?
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
you don't get it.
somtimes i woner if there is any point in this blog. i'm pretty sure that no one reads it that often, and when i really want to write stuff down in it i never have the time. also i had this fantastic idea that i would journal while i was in haiti and then transfer what i had written into my blog... didn't happen. i wrote one then got bored and went away.
Haiti isn't somthing that i can talk to people about really. more often then not they don't get it. for example, when we got into port-au-prince this year it was dark out. And the city is very flat, not a lot of really tall buildings, but is incredibly sprawling. and it sort of has climbed up out of hte coastal flats onto the nearest mountains. so when we Got into the truck and were driving to the mission house, you seriously could barely tell where the mountains stopped and the stars began.
right now your thinking, "wow thats cool, kinda neat, sounds a lot like all those other missions trip stories i've heard." But for me in was incredible. absolutly awe inspiring and in that moment i felt so connected to God, my team, and the country i came to serve i almost felt like crying.
but no one i ever tell that story to will ever understand that. no matter how well i tell the stories and relate my experiences, no one will really be able to say, " i get what you mean, like i totaly understand."
which is sad. so i'm sorry if you ask me about the trip and all i say is, "it was good. it was fun." but you cannot understand just how it feels for me to be in haiti. i feel much more at home there than i do here, at my real home.
anyways the bell is about to ring. (i'm blogging at school again = ])
Haiti isn't somthing that i can talk to people about really. more often then not they don't get it. for example, when we got into port-au-prince this year it was dark out. And the city is very flat, not a lot of really tall buildings, but is incredibly sprawling. and it sort of has climbed up out of hte coastal flats onto the nearest mountains. so when we Got into the truck and were driving to the mission house, you seriously could barely tell where the mountains stopped and the stars began.
right now your thinking, "wow thats cool, kinda neat, sounds a lot like all those other missions trip stories i've heard." But for me in was incredible. absolutly awe inspiring and in that moment i felt so connected to God, my team, and the country i came to serve i almost felt like crying.
but no one i ever tell that story to will ever understand that. no matter how well i tell the stories and relate my experiences, no one will really be able to say, " i get what you mean, like i totaly understand."
which is sad. so i'm sorry if you ask me about the trip and all i say is, "it was good. it was fun." but you cannot understand just how it feels for me to be in haiti. i feel much more at home there than i do here, at my real home.
anyways the bell is about to ring. (i'm blogging at school again = ])
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Haiti journal
when i was in haiti i sortof kept a journal. i didn't write every day and they aren't very long, but jsut incase people wanted to read about it a little mor ein depth than the breif description i give people.
so here's the first one.
flight.
we got up at 1:30 am and left to pick up the emmets and dave. victor, becca, john, granpa, and i had slept over at the house so we didn't have to go get them fortunatly. we really didn't have that much trouble in the airport, exept for the stupid security taking my lotion because of that reatrded "no liquids" rule.
except for a little trouble in miami, we really had great flights, we ended up getting into port-au-prince a little later than normal, but i actually liked it, cause since we were traveling in the city at night, it was a much more pleasant trip. and once we got to the mission house up in daquini, the showers were working and aremede hjad dinner already for us. it was quite enjoyable.
anyways i'm really tired and i'm gonna go to bed.
so here's the first one.
flight.
we got up at 1:30 am and left to pick up the emmets and dave. victor, becca, john, granpa, and i had slept over at the house so we didn't have to go get them fortunatly. we really didn't have that much trouble in the airport, exept for the stupid security taking my lotion because of that reatrded "no liquids" rule.
except for a little trouble in miami, we really had great flights, we ended up getting into port-au-prince a little later than normal, but i actually liked it, cause since we were traveling in the city at night, it was a much more pleasant trip. and once we got to the mission house up in daquini, the showers were working and aremede hjad dinner already for us. it was quite enjoyable.
anyways i'm really tired and i'm gonna go to bed.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
going crazy
wow so its been awhile since i've blogged.
these last couple of weeks have been kinda tough. School has been crazy with trying to get ahead for Haiti, actually right now I'm supposed to be starting a term paper that's due tomorrow = P
lately I've been screwing up everything. from saying stupid things when I'm not careful to just not caring about basketball as much as i know i should. i don't know how to handle laurel and people like her. i don't know if they're arrogant or I'm just weird. idk.
the only person that i can really unload and vent to is ori, and as would be expected, she doesn't really care much about us up north anymore, shes got a life and a set of friends down there. bee and Em are awesome and if they were my age i think we could be good friends, but having bee as my drama director... i really wish my parents hadn't sent me to GCCS. its bad enough having the personality i have, but then having to learn all the social norms in 7th grade rather than 2nd kinda is making high school suck.
then I'd been praying for a good friend for awhile especially at the beginning of school, and its' weird cause Rachel and i have started hangin out a lot, but I'm not entirely sure if shes the kinda of person i really want to be influenced by. idk. its just really freakin frustrating
haha i just realized that my three best friends are Rachel; who people say is a rude, lying, gossip. Steph; who people say is shallow and manipulative. And Bee; who is 8 years my senior, married, has a kid, at totally a diff place in life than i am.
not that I'm complaining, its nice to have the friends i have, it just seems, just like everything else about me, to be a little inconsistent and different.
anyways, onto less serious subject matter... I"M LEAVING FOR HAITI ON MONDAY!!!!!!!!OMG I'm so excited like holy cow you have no idea. two weeks with no school, no basketball, no kay, not having to care about what i look like, just being me and being with people who really do love God and aren't obnoxious teenage girls. freaking best vacation in the world. I'm living for stepping off that plane in port-au-prince right now.
anyways happy new year. if ya'll want to talk, text me up yo = ]
these last couple of weeks have been kinda tough. School has been crazy with trying to get ahead for Haiti, actually right now I'm supposed to be starting a term paper that's due tomorrow = P
lately I've been screwing up everything. from saying stupid things when I'm not careful to just not caring about basketball as much as i know i should. i don't know how to handle laurel and people like her. i don't know if they're arrogant or I'm just weird. idk.
the only person that i can really unload and vent to is ori, and as would be expected, she doesn't really care much about us up north anymore, shes got a life and a set of friends down there. bee and Em are awesome and if they were my age i think we could be good friends, but having bee as my drama director... i really wish my parents hadn't sent me to GCCS. its bad enough having the personality i have, but then having to learn all the social norms in 7th grade rather than 2nd kinda is making high school suck.
then I'd been praying for a good friend for awhile especially at the beginning of school, and its' weird cause Rachel and i have started hangin out a lot, but I'm not entirely sure if shes the kinda of person i really want to be influenced by. idk. its just really freakin frustrating
haha i just realized that my three best friends are Rachel; who people say is a rude, lying, gossip. Steph; who people say is shallow and manipulative. And Bee; who is 8 years my senior, married, has a kid, at totally a diff place in life than i am.
not that I'm complaining, its nice to have the friends i have, it just seems, just like everything else about me, to be a little inconsistent and different.
anyways, onto less serious subject matter... I"M LEAVING FOR HAITI ON MONDAY!!!!!!!!OMG I'm so excited like holy cow you have no idea. two weeks with no school, no basketball, no kay, not having to care about what i look like, just being me and being with people who really do love God and aren't obnoxious teenage girls. freaking best vacation in the world. I'm living for stepping off that plane in port-au-prince right now.
anyways happy new year. if ya'll want to talk, text me up yo = ]
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