Merry late christmas!
i actually had a pretty fantastic chrsitmas. My cousins from philli came up the weekend before, and i we had a great time. becca and i would be best freinds if we lived closer, but alas, the taxes are too high here. so we talked for like 5 hours straight, had fondue at my house, then the next day we all went to my grama's to have lasangna and many other things and stuffed ourselves silly.
then, on monday, my uncle, his girlfriend, and my grandparents came over to my house, my uncle cooked dinner we opened presents and then went to bed.
we did my dad's family on teusday. they weren't quite as much fun.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
bahaha
haha i love blogging at school. i feel so rebellious. = ]]
it feels so wierd that its almost chrsitmas. it came so fast i dodn't even really have time to get into the chirstmas spirit.
i don't like it.
and i think i'm gonna get caught.
blogg later
it feels so wierd that its almost chrsitmas. it came so fast i dodn't even really have time to get into the chirstmas spirit.
i don't like it.
and i think i'm gonna get caught.
blogg later
Sunday, December 16, 2007
cooper and cinnamon rolls
ok so wow. i haven't blogged in awhile. weird i been o busy lately with basketball and homework and family stuff, its craziness!
anyways right now I'm making Cinnamon rolls a quintessential Nystrom/Wadsworth Christmas tradition and right now the dough is rising so i have some time to blog.
i love making cinnamon rolls. we make like 24 batches of them so that we can give them to all our family friends and john and i give them to our favorite teachers and sometimes we give them to our bus drivers. everybody kinda expects them. This one family at school pays me to make them for them so they can eat them on Christmas morning.
it just wouldn't be Christmas with out them. normally my mom makes them, but last year she tore her rotator cuff right before Christmas so kneading dough was kinda out of the question. So i ended up doing all of it. and this year now that i know how to do it she figures I'll do it again.
so here i am, waiting for dough to rise.
and cooper. his girlfriend just broke up w/ him. i don't want to pounce on him to early, and i for sure don't want to be the rebound girl, but i don't want to have to wait again. I don't know. maybe its just not supposed to happen.
anyways right now I'm making Cinnamon rolls a quintessential Nystrom/Wadsworth Christmas tradition and right now the dough is rising so i have some time to blog.
i love making cinnamon rolls. we make like 24 batches of them so that we can give them to all our family friends and john and i give them to our favorite teachers and sometimes we give them to our bus drivers. everybody kinda expects them. This one family at school pays me to make them for them so they can eat them on Christmas morning.
it just wouldn't be Christmas with out them. normally my mom makes them, but last year she tore her rotator cuff right before Christmas so kneading dough was kinda out of the question. So i ended up doing all of it. and this year now that i know how to do it she figures I'll do it again.
so here i am, waiting for dough to rise.
and cooper. his girlfriend just broke up w/ him. i don't want to pounce on him to early, and i for sure don't want to be the rebound girl, but i don't want to have to wait again. I don't know. maybe its just not supposed to happen.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
(Rant)
i wish i knew how to posts pics to this thing, cause it seems like my blog is kinda pathetically boring. idk, I'll just have to wow you all with my eloquence (and lack of spelling skill).
so today we got a snow day cause i guess the roads were really bad this morning. which is hilarious cause now they're totally fine. so i slept in until 11am and had a ginormous breakfast when i finally woke up.
we were supposed too have this relaxed practice today, just kinda to stay fresh, seeing as how we haven't had a real practice since last Thursday, but predictably, my parents crap schedules have made it impossible for me to get there anywhere near on time. grr. so incredibly frustrating.
and then my mom totally dismisses it and is like "oh well you can work out later" she doesn't get it. basketball for me is like working out is for her. i don't do i for the exercise, i do it so i get to see my friends and because i actually enjoy the sport. i hate it that they can't just deal. i know that makes me sound so selfish, but our family drops all kinds of cash that we shouldn't spend on her obsession, but me playing basketball is such a HUGE burden. even thought I've gotten a ride home from basketball every night and they barely have to do anything they still complain about it constantly and basically make any conversation about it so miserable that i don't even want to bring it up.
its so unfair.
so today we got a snow day cause i guess the roads were really bad this morning. which is hilarious cause now they're totally fine. so i slept in until 11am and had a ginormous breakfast when i finally woke up.
we were supposed too have this relaxed practice today, just kinda to stay fresh, seeing as how we haven't had a real practice since last Thursday, but predictably, my parents crap schedules have made it impossible for me to get there anywhere near on time. grr. so incredibly frustrating.
and then my mom totally dismisses it and is like "oh well you can work out later" she doesn't get it. basketball for me is like working out is for her. i don't do i for the exercise, i do it so i get to see my friends and because i actually enjoy the sport. i hate it that they can't just deal. i know that makes me sound so selfish, but our family drops all kinds of cash that we shouldn't spend on her obsession, but me playing basketball is such a HUGE burden. even thought I've gotten a ride home from basketball every night and they barely have to do anything they still complain about it constantly and basically make any conversation about it so miserable that i don't even want to bring it up.
its so unfair.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
late thanksgiving post.
this Thanksgiving we went down to Philly to spend it with my cousins and grandparents. we had an awesome turkey dinner Thursday, then on Friday the girls went shopping and the guys went down to the range and shot shotguns all morning. we had a fantastic time.
i got a new pair of basketball shoes normally $110 for $30.
i got an awesome pair of polka dotted slip on vans and i bought Christmas presents for a whole bunch of people.
it was fun to spend time with just the family and not have to worry about basketball practice or being anywhere on time or have to care what i looked like. it was nice.
i know its a little late, but I'm gonna post ten things that I'm thankful for.
1. Friends. for those that can see past what i say and hear what i feel. Friends who can laugh with and at me when its warranted.
2. family. they challenge my patience everyday, but i love them.
3. sports. they give me something to get through school for.
4. music. gives me reason to smile and dance.
5. Ozzy.(my dog)he was happy to see me when i got home. we played tug-o-war with his favorite rope.
6. penny.(my cat) she knows when I'm sad.
7. coffee. I'm happily addicted = ]
8. hoodies.
9. shoes.
10. my God
then today after we drove home and unpacked and everything, we went and Got our Christmas trees. it was really really cold and my toes got a little frostbitish, but we got the perfect trees.
then, after we got home we decided that tonight was the best night to go our for dinner for my grades, so we changed and went to Phillips European.
today was a loooong day.
i got a new pair of basketball shoes normally $110 for $30.
i got an awesome pair of polka dotted slip on vans and i bought Christmas presents for a whole bunch of people.
it was fun to spend time with just the family and not have to worry about basketball practice or being anywhere on time or have to care what i looked like. it was nice.
i know its a little late, but I'm gonna post ten things that I'm thankful for.
1. Friends. for those that can see past what i say and hear what i feel. Friends who can laugh with and at me when its warranted.
2. family. they challenge my patience everyday, but i love them.
3. sports. they give me something to get through school for.
4. music. gives me reason to smile and dance.
5. Ozzy.(my dog)he was happy to see me when i got home. we played tug-o-war with his favorite rope.
6. penny.(my cat) she knows when I'm sad.
7. coffee. I'm happily addicted = ]
8. hoodies.
9. shoes.
10. my God
then today after we drove home and unpacked and everything, we went and Got our Christmas trees. it was really really cold and my toes got a little frostbitish, but we got the perfect trees.
then, after we got home we decided that tonight was the best night to go our for dinner for my grades, so we changed and went to Phillips European.
today was a loooong day.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
= ]
happy thanksgiving!
i know i'm 10 minutes early but you'll just have to forgive me.
so we're off to philli tomorrow at o' dark-thirty i'm gonna be freakin bored outta my mind.
texts and such would be greatly appreciated.
anyways i have many deep and philisophical things to psot about. things like God, Good freinds, bad freinds, people you wish were freinds...
but i'm kinda tired. perhaps i'll tell you all about them tomorrow.
i know i'm 10 minutes early but you'll just have to forgive me.
so we're off to philli tomorrow at o' dark-thirty i'm gonna be freakin bored outta my mind.
texts and such would be greatly appreciated.
anyways i have many deep and philisophical things to psot about. things like God, Good freinds, bad freinds, people you wish were freinds...
but i'm kinda tired. perhaps i'll tell you all about them tomorrow.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
i <3 bagel squares
so there are this things you can buy at wegmans that are made like bagels but they come in a square instead of the donut type shape.
i thought it was really cool.
but anyways i got to go to bed. today was a loooooong day and tomorrow is gonna be longer. i can't wait to see the play though, it sounds like they've been working really hard on it.
i thought it was really cool.
but anyways i got to go to bed. today was a loooooong day and tomorrow is gonna be longer. i can't wait to see the play though, it sounds like they've been working really hard on it.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
this guy can make me smile
you know that feeling you get when you're tired, you're listening to some of your favorite songs that aren't about sex or written just to be funny, and you're thinking about that one person whose got a hold of your heart?
i wish i could feel like this all the time and be normal.
i thought about cutting for the first time since basketball '06 this past week. I'm not worried. But I'm a little scared. i wish i could be high on God all the time, like I was a couple weeks ago. I know it doesn't work like that, and that the best i can do is to work hard at loving him now.
i wish i could feel like this all the time and be normal.
i thought about cutting for the first time since basketball '06 this past week. I'm not worried. But I'm a little scared. i wish i could be high on God all the time, like I was a couple weeks ago. I know it doesn't work like that, and that the best i can do is to work hard at loving him now.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
hgkf
how bout instead of reading my thoughts. why don't we set up a coffe date, or you culd jsut call me. that'd make me happy
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
hmmm
i wish i hadn't missed youth group Sunday. i feel so off and out of kilter. bible is great and everything, but i need some God time. time where i can settle down into worship and forget about all the cares of this world and focus of God.
i kinda feel like God wants me to go to this little small group type thingy that some girls in my class have set up. i wanna go to, and it would make finding a place to sit during lunch on Fridays a lot easier, but I'm kinda scared of being branded as on of "Renee's groupies".
it sucks that at lime the only people who might even care about God the same way i do, have this stigma attached to them. I'd feel like a total outsider.
idk. i wish i had more control over my life.right now anything i do has to be approved by mom and dad then fir into the schedule. i hate it.
i kinda feel like God wants me to go to this little small group type thingy that some girls in my class have set up. i wanna go to, and it would make finding a place to sit during lunch on Fridays a lot easier, but I'm kinda scared of being branded as on of "Renee's groupies".
it sucks that at lime the only people who might even care about God the same way i do, have this stigma attached to them. I'd feel like a total outsider.
idk. i wish i had more control over my life.right now anything i do has to be approved by mom and dad then fir into the schedule. i hate it.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
poetry
Life
Sometimes we fall, screw up and have to deal with some crap,
but the trick is to never ever look back.
when times are rough,
smile and remember who cared.
when you could shout and scream, give up and stop,
remember how you could have fared.
When you see others glitter and shine,
remember that they also pine,
to have and to hold,
to be happy and bold.
no one is perfect, none are flawless,
and though it looks fun, it sucks to be lawless.
-me
its unfinished and rough, but i like it.
Sometimes we fall, screw up and have to deal with some crap,
but the trick is to never ever look back.
when times are rough,
smile and remember who cared.
when you could shout and scream, give up and stop,
remember how you could have fared.
When you see others glitter and shine,
remember that they also pine,
to have and to hold,
to be happy and bold.
no one is perfect, none are flawless,
and though it looks fun, it sucks to be lawless.
-me
its unfinished and rough, but i like it.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Great quote and an awesome poem
some really great quotes.
"Changing yourself to fit in isn’t that bad.
The only other option is to accept being sad.
You can’t expect people to just like you for who you are,
It’s your job to make yourself someone worth caring for.
To love and to be loved is work from both sides.
If you sit back and watch you’re likely to be left behind.
To always be running,
And to never arrive.
To do what needs to be done,
To achieve that lovers high."
- Elizabeth greenwalt
"As Harold took a bite of Bavarian sugar cookie, he finally felt as if everything was going to be ok. Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And, fortunately, when there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurneys and nose plugs, an uneaten Danish, soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also know that it just so happens to be true. And, so it was, a wristwatch saved Harold Crick."
- Stanger than Fiction
"Changing yourself to fit in isn’t that bad.
The only other option is to accept being sad.
You can’t expect people to just like you for who you are,
It’s your job to make yourself someone worth caring for.
To love and to be loved is work from both sides.
If you sit back and watch you’re likely to be left behind.
To always be running,
And to never arrive.
To do what needs to be done,
To achieve that lovers high."
- Elizabeth greenwalt
"As Harold took a bite of Bavarian sugar cookie, he finally felt as if everything was going to be ok. Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And, fortunately, when there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurneys and nose plugs, an uneaten Danish, soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also know that it just so happens to be true. And, so it was, a wristwatch saved Harold Crick."
- Stanger than Fiction
Friday, October 12, 2007
= /
i don't really know how to describe how i feel right now.
i just watched a really good movie, and I'm utterly content except for the fact that i am completely alone. i feel like when i feel like this that perhaps it would be better if i had someone to share it with. when i am happy, not a shallow, I've been amused happy, but a content peaceful happy, no one is ever there to see it. and when I'm miserable and all i want is a hug and someone who cares, i carry that alone. i have God, But he created us for relationship with each other as well as him.
and Walter died last night. He was an amazing man, one of the most humble,gentle men I've ever met and a true servant of the lord. i met him the first year i went to Haiti, and we kinda became buddies as the years passed. and now hes gone. I'm gonna miss him.
i just watched a really good movie, and I'm utterly content except for the fact that i am completely alone. i feel like when i feel like this that perhaps it would be better if i had someone to share it with. when i am happy, not a shallow, I've been amused happy, but a content peaceful happy, no one is ever there to see it. and when I'm miserable and all i want is a hug and someone who cares, i carry that alone. i have God, But he created us for relationship with each other as well as him.
and Walter died last night. He was an amazing man, one of the most humble,gentle men I've ever met and a true servant of the lord. i met him the first year i went to Haiti, and we kinda became buddies as the years passed. and now hes gone. I'm gonna miss him.
Friday, October 5, 2007
.............
i need money for haiti!
anyways, i started selling duct tape wallets, and a surprising amount of people will buy them from me. its pretty cool.
anyways, i started selling duct tape wallets, and a surprising amount of people will buy them from me. its pretty cool.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
GO Patriots!
my team, the patriots, creamed the bills, everybody elses team
= ]
i don't care if they cheated, even if they weren't they still kick everybodies butt.
= ]
= ]
i don't care if they cheated, even if they weren't they still kick everybodies butt.
= ]
Friday, September 21, 2007
life is good
life is good.
i have a lot to be thankful for, i think i need to remember that more often.
and i hurt my knee, so for all you wonderful people who read this, pleez pray for it.
i have a lot to be thankful for, i think i need to remember that more often.
and i hurt my knee, so for all you wonderful people who read this, pleez pray for it.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
cheer me up
how come everything I'm good at is seen as completely strange?
I'm strong, and could be competitive weight lifter if i wanted to be. But how do explain to someone that you compete in woman's power lifting? there's bad stereotype if i ever heard one.
I'm good at building stuff, but girls aren't supposed to be good like that. guys are supposed to do that.
I'm a good cook, and i enjoy it, but i have no one to cook for.
I'm so frustrated with school, and soccer and life right now.
its real easy to love God when you're not surrounded by people laughing at God 24/7.
its really easy to be happy when you aren't reminded of your biggest mistake every day.
idk...I'd love a hug, some chocolate, and a love story with a happy ending.
I'm strong, and could be competitive weight lifter if i wanted to be. But how do explain to someone that you compete in woman's power lifting? there's bad stereotype if i ever heard one.
I'm good at building stuff, but girls aren't supposed to be good like that. guys are supposed to do that.
I'm a good cook, and i enjoy it, but i have no one to cook for.
I'm so frustrated with school, and soccer and life right now.
its real easy to love God when you're not surrounded by people laughing at God 24/7.
its really easy to be happy when you aren't reminded of your biggest mistake every day.
idk...I'd love a hug, some chocolate, and a love story with a happy ending.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Homework
this year is already shaping up to be absolutely insane. i have so much homework and i thought last year was bad!
the last few years I've kinda been slacking off and just coasting through. i got good grades, but i wasn't trying barely at all. But this year i have to do well and i will, but I'm most certainly not used to doing this much work.. haha = ] and my parents still expect me to have all the extra time i had when i didn't do any of my homework at home, so they have me cleaning and cooking dinner even when inside I'm dreading staying up till midnight working of chemistry. ugh.
we have a game today, first game we might even have a slight chance of winning, but i think some of the younger s have so little confidence in themselves that we're not gonna do well.
see the thing is that our defense if actually pretty good. Melissa is awesome and steph is great she just likes to show off. I'm ok. but our forwards are horribly inexperienced and our mids have no idea what they're doing. so even if the defense gets it out, it comes right back in because the offense can't do anything!
grrrr.
and yea, I'm blogging at school = ]
the last few years I've kinda been slacking off and just coasting through. i got good grades, but i wasn't trying barely at all. But this year i have to do well and i will, but I'm most certainly not used to doing this much work.. haha = ] and my parents still expect me to have all the extra time i had when i didn't do any of my homework at home, so they have me cleaning and cooking dinner even when inside I'm dreading staying up till midnight working of chemistry. ugh.
we have a game today, first game we might even have a slight chance of winning, but i think some of the younger s have so little confidence in themselves that we're not gonna do well.
see the thing is that our defense if actually pretty good. Melissa is awesome and steph is great she just likes to show off. I'm ok. but our forwards are horribly inexperienced and our mids have no idea what they're doing. so even if the defense gets it out, it comes right back in because the offense can't do anything!
grrrr.
and yea, I'm blogging at school = ]
Monday, September 10, 2007
oh!
And i haven't gotten any money back from my Haiti letters! I'm so screwed cause my g-pa needs the money soon to buy plane tickets before the prices go up and i have virtually no support! AGH!
strange day
today was weird.
i got up threw on an outfit that ended up looking really nice, got to school talked to a few people that i never talk to, then started school.t apparently was free hug day, and a bunch of people that i don't really associate with randomly came up to me and gave me a hug. which was interesting.
In the middle of lunch my hamburger slid off of my plate, resulting in a huge mess and me having to go buy another hamburger. And i barely got enough time to eat because me and Nicole ran around trying to find someone to sit with for awhile after my hamburger problem was resolved.
i was unusually tired all day until math class. It for some reason totally woke me up then, as i was getting ready to go to practice, bee showed up! it was awesome seeing her again. We have been sorta talkin of and on online, but i think I'm beginning to agree with my dad in that email and text just aren't the same as actually seeing and talking with people. anyways that also made me sad remembering that i won't be able to do drama this year. =[
ten we had practice. we thought we were gonna do a lot of running and we were right. but i got the my best mile time yet, 7:56! I'm so happy cause i so wanted to get under the 8 minute mark.
after practice i talked to bee again, and got into my dads car transparently happy, totally content.
my dads such a dour man, hes freakin depressing to be around and then he wonders why he has no Friends. Lighten up! anyways we bickered and fought all the way home, and then i had to make dinner. and i hated the recipe that we were making. and now I'm gonna go finish my math homework.
hope you had a great day!
i got up threw on an outfit that ended up looking really nice, got to school talked to a few people that i never talk to, then started school.t apparently was free hug day, and a bunch of people that i don't really associate with randomly came up to me and gave me a hug. which was interesting.
In the middle of lunch my hamburger slid off of my plate, resulting in a huge mess and me having to go buy another hamburger. And i barely got enough time to eat because me and Nicole ran around trying to find someone to sit with for awhile after my hamburger problem was resolved.
i was unusually tired all day until math class. It for some reason totally woke me up then, as i was getting ready to go to practice, bee showed up! it was awesome seeing her again. We have been sorta talkin of and on online, but i think I'm beginning to agree with my dad in that email and text just aren't the same as actually seeing and talking with people. anyways that also made me sad remembering that i won't be able to do drama this year. =[
ten we had practice. we thought we were gonna do a lot of running and we were right. but i got the my best mile time yet, 7:56! I'm so happy cause i so wanted to get under the 8 minute mark.
after practice i talked to bee again, and got into my dads car transparently happy, totally content.
my dads such a dour man, hes freakin depressing to be around and then he wonders why he has no Friends. Lighten up! anyways we bickered and fought all the way home, and then i had to make dinner. and i hated the recipe that we were making. and now I'm gonna go finish my math homework.
hope you had a great day!
Sunday, September 2, 2007
scratchy scratchy
i think that if i were to write a sermon, i would write and speak on Love. cliche, but i would speak on the why and the how rather than the what, like most preachers do.
normally i would just write it then post it, but I'm really tired and i want to go to bed.
but first I'm gonna whine. i did a quarter mile of walking lunges yesterday and now my legs are so sore it hurts to touch them.
and i have poison ivy! I'm so uncomfortable right now!
how was your day?
normally i would just write it then post it, but I'm really tired and i want to go to bed.
but first I'm gonna whine. i did a quarter mile of walking lunges yesterday and now my legs are so sore it hurts to touch them.
and i have poison ivy! I'm so uncomfortable right now!
how was your day?
Friday, August 31, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
mountain of god
Thought that I was all alone, broken and failed
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
And I didn't even know that I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
Til You opened my eyes,
I'd never know That I couldn't ever make it without You
Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through, now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God
As I travel on the road that You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found that You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I confess from time to time, I lose my way
But You are always there to bring me back again
Sometimes, I think of where it is I've come from
And the things I've left behind
But of all I've had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare with what's in front of me
With what's in front of me
-third day
this song made me cry tonight. i thik the crying part was because i'm exausted, but the emotion behind it was real. its seems like lately the entire world has been conspiring to keep me from God. things that were getting easier suddenly rear their ugly head again.
but thats the whole point isn't it? to get through the hard parts so that next time you can have confidence in what God can do through you.
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
And I didn't even know that I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
Til You opened my eyes,
I'd never know That I couldn't ever make it without You
Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through, now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God
As I travel on the road that You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found that You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I confess from time to time, I lose my way
But You are always there to bring me back again
Sometimes, I think of where it is I've come from
And the things I've left behind
But of all I've had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare with what's in front of me
With what's in front of me
-third day
this song made me cry tonight. i thik the crying part was because i'm exausted, but the emotion behind it was real. its seems like lately the entire world has been conspiring to keep me from God. things that were getting easier suddenly rear their ugly head again.
but thats the whole point isn't it? to get through the hard parts so that next time you can have confidence in what God can do through you.
Monday, August 27, 2007
birthday!
its my birthday! woot!
i got a new phone, its the new chocolate and it rocks!
today i'm goin down the the DMV to get my permit! i'm so excited! and my brother was so nice and made me breakfast in bed! its turning out to be my best birthday ever!
and last night was my party, and it turned out so much better than i thought it would! people actaully came and had a good time. haha cooper was kinda getting on stephs nerves by the end, but it was ok .
i got a new phone, its the new chocolate and it rocks!
today i'm goin down the the DMV to get my permit! i'm so excited! and my brother was so nice and made me breakfast in bed! its turning out to be my best birthday ever!
and last night was my party, and it turned out so much better than i thought it would! people actaully came and had a good time. haha cooper was kinda getting on stephs nerves by the end, but it was ok .
Thursday, August 23, 2007
love
i wish i was just a normal, shallow, 15 year old girl. whose biggest worry was if "he" noticed her.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
the what, the where, and the how
why is it easier for me to believe that God screwed up? All of the sincere believers i talk to seems to want to believe that God is in control, and that even if they don't know how to deal with the problem, he does and will in his own time.
but for me, i always want to say," back off God, you messed up and now i gotta fix it" I don't think I've ever truly given a situation or problem up to God, which is probably why i can't attest to his power. I know about his love, I inadvertently beaten that lesson in many times. But I've never "seen" his power at work.
I wonder is it a maturity thing? The who and the when are the easy part, but i don't know the whats, the where's, or the hows. i feel so lost in the vast shallowness of christian cliches and skin deep belief. I look at devote Muslims and Hindus, and frankly they don't act much different from us. i wonder if there is any difference? merely a common need for stability? a cosmic parent who will kiss it and make it better?
I'm confused.
but for me, i always want to say," back off God, you messed up and now i gotta fix it" I don't think I've ever truly given a situation or problem up to God, which is probably why i can't attest to his power. I know about his love, I inadvertently beaten that lesson in many times. But I've never "seen" his power at work.
I wonder is it a maturity thing? The who and the when are the easy part, but i don't know the whats, the where's, or the hows. i feel so lost in the vast shallowness of christian cliches and skin deep belief. I look at devote Muslims and Hindus, and frankly they don't act much different from us. i wonder if there is any difference? merely a common need for stability? a cosmic parent who will kiss it and make it better?
I'm confused.
on the downside
it seems like i always catch things at the tail end.
like with soccer, the two years before i was old enough to play, were the best two years that soccer at our school has ever had. Then the year i played we were pretty good, then the next year we were ok, and this year is gonna be interesting.
and with drama, the couple of years before i started, seemed to have the greatest people, the best energy and memories. and then when i can start, we have the people left over from the good plays and a director that we know isn't coming back and happens to be exhausted and frustrated with the lack of talent.
and with basketball, the girls team won sectionals three years in a row. were set to do ok the next year. then the Hudsons left, and the seniors graduated, now we're left with a bunch of inexperienced short girls that are lacking on the talent side as well.
its seems like everything i get involved in has just hit its peek.
But anyways, i can have fun while I'm at it right?
like with soccer, the two years before i was old enough to play, were the best two years that soccer at our school has ever had. Then the year i played we were pretty good, then the next year we were ok, and this year is gonna be interesting.
and with drama, the couple of years before i started, seemed to have the greatest people, the best energy and memories. and then when i can start, we have the people left over from the good plays and a director that we know isn't coming back and happens to be exhausted and frustrated with the lack of talent.
and with basketball, the girls team won sectionals three years in a row. were set to do ok the next year. then the Hudsons left, and the seniors graduated, now we're left with a bunch of inexperienced short girls that are lacking on the talent side as well.
its seems like everything i get involved in has just hit its peek.
But anyways, i can have fun while I'm at it right?
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
soccer,dogs, and haiti...o my!
soccer started yesterday, and i wasn't particularly excited about it. i don't even really know why. all the reasons i would not want to play don't really work for me cause i jsut don't care. idk maybe its cause it means school is starting soon. ugh.
another wierd thing. normally, i can't wait to see the people in school, and dread the thought of the actual school work. this year, the thought of having to relearn my painfully acquired( yet pathetically underdeveloped) people skills is like contemplating the thought of a colonoscopy. i REAlly don't want to do it. But i'm actaully looking forward to the learning and stuff. i mean homwork always sucks, but i'm actually not worried. idk, its wierd.
we got a new dog a couple weeks ago, his name is ozzie and he is and australian cattle dog. (pictures coming as soon as i figure out how to put them on) he is absolutely adorable accept for one thing, he pees in the house. my room in particular and its starting to get really, really annoying. i do like having a dog again though. Its nice to have somthing to play with and pet when you're sad.
And i FINALLY got my hati support letters done. that is deffinatly the worst part of the whole process. i don't know why, but i HATE asking people for money even for somthing like this. it just realy bothers me. but unfortunatly, without support i can't really go can i?
i'm gonna go to bed now cause i'm exhausted.
another wierd thing. normally, i can't wait to see the people in school, and dread the thought of the actual school work. this year, the thought of having to relearn my painfully acquired( yet pathetically underdeveloped) people skills is like contemplating the thought of a colonoscopy. i REAlly don't want to do it. But i'm actaully looking forward to the learning and stuff. i mean homwork always sucks, but i'm actually not worried. idk, its wierd.
we got a new dog a couple weeks ago, his name is ozzie and he is and australian cattle dog. (pictures coming as soon as i figure out how to put them on) he is absolutely adorable accept for one thing, he pees in the house. my room in particular and its starting to get really, really annoying. i do like having a dog again though. Its nice to have somthing to play with and pet when you're sad.
And i FINALLY got my hati support letters done. that is deffinatly the worst part of the whole process. i don't know why, but i HATE asking people for money even for somthing like this. it just realy bothers me. but unfortunatly, without support i can't really go can i?
i'm gonna go to bed now cause i'm exhausted.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
stole the idea from Bee
Summer is awesome. but I'm going crazy being surrounded by my family 24/7. someday i will learn to deal with them, but i think us all being so alike does not lend any help towards an easy relationship. wow that was a complicated sentence.
50 things you might not know about me.
1. I love fuzzy blankets
2. I think to much
3. I secretly envy shallow people
4. but they drive me nuts
5. God makes perfect sense to me.
6 but i still don't get him
7. I would rather work on the car with my dad all day rather than go shopping.
8 I believe everyone is more beautiful without make up
9. mostly because i think make hides who you actually are.
10. most of my opinions have no logical basis
11. I was a cutter for 3 years. longer than anyone thought
12. I love knowing everything about someone.
13. but i rarely tell anyone everything about me.
14. but i divulge secrets to fast.
15 I know that made no sense.
16. I sit and write philosophical essays and enjoy it
17. I know that makes me a nerd
18 If you can't deal with that your not worth my time
19 I'll give everyone a first chance.
20 you have to earn my hate, not my love.
21 Its not hard.
22. certain people will always be more special to me than you, even thought you may have know me longer.
23. I have more in common with people older than me than people of my own age.
24 I wish i knew how to thank all my role models without looking dumb.
25. I'm way socially awkward.
26. I have a half sister
27. My only wish would be to experience everything once.
28. I hate being normal and wish i was all at the same time.
29. I hate meaningless drama
30. Edgar Allen Poe is awesome.
31 I wish i had a best Friend
32 I lost mine because of a stupid decision
33 I miss her like crazy
34. I have an obsession with the number 8
35. I have a phobia of being underwater.
36. I'm never good enough
37. I don't really believe anyone could or should love me
38 yes i know that was disgustingly emo
39. i really hope no one reads this.
40. I think that everyone has a part of them that is good.
41. I love old airplanes more than most people i know.
42. the C-47 is the most beautiful airplane in the world.
43. i wish i was a twin
44 i wish i had the talent to be a writer
45. I'm envious of true Christians.
46 they have something i want but don't deserve.
47. I've been in love.
48. Its not worth it.
49 I hope some boy proves me wrong
50. This was easier than i thought it'd be.
50 things you might not know about me.
1. I love fuzzy blankets
2. I think to much
3. I secretly envy shallow people
4. but they drive me nuts
5. God makes perfect sense to me.
6 but i still don't get him
7. I would rather work on the car with my dad all day rather than go shopping.
8 I believe everyone is more beautiful without make up
9. mostly because i think make hides who you actually are.
10. most of my opinions have no logical basis
11. I was a cutter for 3 years. longer than anyone thought
12. I love knowing everything about someone.
13. but i rarely tell anyone everything about me.
14. but i divulge secrets to fast.
15 I know that made no sense.
16. I sit and write philosophical essays and enjoy it
17. I know that makes me a nerd
18 If you can't deal with that your not worth my time
19 I'll give everyone a first chance.
20 you have to earn my hate, not my love.
21 Its not hard.
22. certain people will always be more special to me than you, even thought you may have know me longer.
23. I have more in common with people older than me than people of my own age.
24 I wish i knew how to thank all my role models without looking dumb.
25. I'm way socially awkward.
26. I have a half sister
27. My only wish would be to experience everything once.
28. I hate being normal and wish i was all at the same time.
29. I hate meaningless drama
30. Edgar Allen Poe is awesome.
31 I wish i had a best Friend
32 I lost mine because of a stupid decision
33 I miss her like crazy
34. I have an obsession with the number 8
35. I have a phobia of being underwater.
36. I'm never good enough
37. I don't really believe anyone could or should love me
38 yes i know that was disgustingly emo
39. i really hope no one reads this.
40. I think that everyone has a part of them that is good.
41. I love old airplanes more than most people i know.
42. the C-47 is the most beautiful airplane in the world.
43. i wish i was a twin
44 i wish i had the talent to be a writer
45. I'm envious of true Christians.
46 they have something i want but don't deserve.
47. I've been in love.
48. Its not worth it.
49 I hope some boy proves me wrong
50. This was easier than i thought it'd be.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
hmf
is the only way to ascertain the value of somones life, so see how much they are missed when they are gone?
cause if so i'm SOL
"is it possible for the seeking mind to attain peace?"
-elizabeth greenwalt
cause if so i'm SOL
"is it possible for the seeking mind to attain peace?"
-elizabeth greenwalt
A Dream Within A Dream
Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow--
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand--
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep--while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
-Edgar Allan Poe
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow--
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand--
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep--while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
-Edgar Allan Poe
Friday, June 15, 2007
Alone
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.
-Edgar Allan Poe
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.
-Edgar Allan Poe
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Knowlege
Knowledge
A treasure to some,
But to others a burden to become.
All the press of life,
The never ending combat and strife
None to love
Only him above
But some believe he isn’t there
A belief confirmed by unanswered prayers
Only him above
But some believe he isn’t there
A belief confirmed by unanswered prayers
Knowledge is a gift without cost
And without it, we are lost
Only the simple would give up such a treasure,
But some succumb to the pressure
Of those who only seek pleasure
Such fools! To throw away time!
Blocking their ears to the chime.
The signal that life is short
The moment for foolery to abort.
And without it, we are lost
Only the simple would give up such a treasure,
But some succumb to the pressure
Of those who only seek pleasure
Such fools! To throw away time!
Blocking their ears to the chime.
The signal that life is short
The moment for foolery to abort.
It has come to the point to learn to stand,
to someday make your own demands.
Submit for a moment,
although it may seem a torment.
Humble yourself for this,
So that when you’re gone
You will rest in that you are sorely missed.
to someday make your own demands.
Submit for a moment,
although it may seem a torment.
Humble yourself for this,
So that when you’re gone
You will rest in that you are sorely missed.
- elizabeth greenwalt
poem
Friends
We all lose those we love.
We never realize,
That they were sent from above.
All those little things you’d say,
To brighten up my day.
We never realize,
That they were sent from above.
All those little things you’d say,
To brighten up my day.
Then they're gone,
And we have nothing to lean on.
never noticing them,
As we should.
and not always doing our best for them,
As we could.
And we have nothing to lean on.
never noticing them,
As we should.
and not always doing our best for them,
As we could.
More often then not I’d just ignore,
Those who I should be fighting for.
I never thought about when you’d be gone,
But now the distance seems so long.
Those who I should be fighting for.
I never thought about when you’d be gone,
But now the distance seems so long.
So now that I remember to say,
I hope this brightens up your day.
Now that you've moved on,
I miss you now that you're gone.
I hope this brightens up your day.
Now that you've moved on,
I miss you now that you're gone.
- Elizabeth Greenwalt
Monday, May 21, 2007
only at midnight
you know those dreams and desires one has when they're exhausted? like when you sit at the computer and convince yourself the you could sing a song only done on Broadway? or you pucker up enough courage to talk to the one person., but as soon as you wake up the next day all that courage is gone?
what would the world be like if everyone lived their life with the same courage that i have only at 11 o'clock at night?
what would the world be like if everyone lived their life with the same courage that i have only at 11 o'clock at night?
Saturday, May 19, 2007
looking back and me? unhappy?
a lot of people, including my family who should know me pretty well, say that i am an unhappy person.
this is quite upsetting because i don't think i am an unhappy person. I'm not overly bouncy and excited all the time. i don't talk as much as some people i know. i think about things and I'm a bit of a fatalist/realist. but i don't think i am and unhappy person. In fact I'm happy most of the time.
something i am very happy about is SCHOOL IS ALMOST OVER!!! YAY!!!
this year has been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs.
its started with soccer season, and a promising start at that. We had won all of our first six games by land slides, everyone was working together, we all had a good attitudes, not a lot of injuries, life was good. Then the Hudsons left, creating a mess of emotions for everyone. we lost the next game and had to put our all into every game we won after that, and at the end of the season we were barely 500.
Near the end of soccer season i started the play, seeing as how i had the smallest part, it wasn't a big part of my life until the week of dress rehearsals. but what a week it was. i got to know Bee and Em learned my lines, figured out all the inside jokes, felt nauseous over Renee's pathetically obvious brown nosing, and really enjoyed the whole thing. The cast party was awesome and we went to Perkins! yay!
we had basketball which started right before the play ended. it was awesome. i discovered that basketball could be fun and lighthearted. i met Jess, which started a era of self loathing and doubt. we had a good season, uninterrupted by Haiti = [ we weren't particularly amazing, but we had fun. Then we had the second play, which was joy tempered by sadness knowing that bee, and therefore em, wasn't gonna be there next time.
then there was Kay and i being our crazy unpredictable selves. With Coffee, walks and big amount mistakes before play practice creating a memories i will always cherish. Not having Ori around was sucky, but it helped Kay's and my friendship to continue and strengthen.
we had art Meghan and i with all of our crazy jokes: "YOU'RE BANNED!", Nicole never getting anything done, EMO POWER!, shut up log boy! and others.
ski trips with kayla, burmolester, mr tumnus and squinta, YOU"RE WRONG!, and Rachel and - "cranky pants"
this year was great
this is quite upsetting because i don't think i am an unhappy person. I'm not overly bouncy and excited all the time. i don't talk as much as some people i know. i think about things and I'm a bit of a fatalist/realist. but i don't think i am and unhappy person. In fact I'm happy most of the time.
something i am very happy about is SCHOOL IS ALMOST OVER!!! YAY!!!
this year has been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs.
its started with soccer season, and a promising start at that. We had won all of our first six games by land slides, everyone was working together, we all had a good attitudes, not a lot of injuries, life was good. Then the Hudsons left, creating a mess of emotions for everyone. we lost the next game and had to put our all into every game we won after that, and at the end of the season we were barely 500.
Near the end of soccer season i started the play, seeing as how i had the smallest part, it wasn't a big part of my life until the week of dress rehearsals. but what a week it was. i got to know Bee and Em learned my lines, figured out all the inside jokes, felt nauseous over Renee's pathetically obvious brown nosing, and really enjoyed the whole thing. The cast party was awesome and we went to Perkins! yay!
we had basketball which started right before the play ended. it was awesome. i discovered that basketball could be fun and lighthearted. i met Jess, which started a era of self loathing and doubt. we had a good season, uninterrupted by Haiti = [ we weren't particularly amazing, but we had fun. Then we had the second play, which was joy tempered by sadness knowing that bee, and therefore em, wasn't gonna be there next time.
then there was Kay and i being our crazy unpredictable selves. With Coffee, walks and big amount mistakes before play practice creating a memories i will always cherish. Not having Ori around was sucky, but it helped Kay's and my friendship to continue and strengthen.
we had art Meghan and i with all of our crazy jokes: "YOU'RE BANNED!", Nicole never getting anything done, EMO POWER!, shut up log boy! and others.
ski trips with kayla, burmolester, mr tumnus and squinta, YOU"RE WRONG!, and Rachel and - "cranky pants"
this year was great
Monday, May 14, 2007
SO annoying
you know those people who talk CONSTANTLY about God?
i don't just mean a good christian, who by definition should speak about the most important thing in their life, i mean those people who talk of NOTHING ELSE!
and they're never the pastors, never the church or Sunday school leaders, they're the holier than thou, beat you over the head with a bible type of person.
how does one get rid of them?
what did they talk about before they became a christian? did they just not talk at all? i guess you may get used to it, oh my, can we PLEASE think of another subject?
i mean didn't God create everything? like the weather? frankly I'd much rather talk about the freakin weather that keep listening to people drone on and on about about God.
by no means am i saying i am a good christian. far from it actually, but would you think that Logically God would like us to actually have lives? albeit lives that include him in everything, but still lives?
i don't just mean a good christian, who by definition should speak about the most important thing in their life, i mean those people who talk of NOTHING ELSE!
and they're never the pastors, never the church or Sunday school leaders, they're the holier than thou, beat you over the head with a bible type of person.
how does one get rid of them?
what did they talk about before they became a christian? did they just not talk at all? i guess you may get used to it, oh my, can we PLEASE think of another subject?
i mean didn't God create everything? like the weather? frankly I'd much rather talk about the freakin weather that keep listening to people drone on and on about about God.
by no means am i saying i am a good christian. far from it actually, but would you think that Logically God would like us to actually have lives? albeit lives that include him in everything, but still lives?
Mans best freind
my dog got hit by a car on Friday.
my dad and i were on the other side of the road helping this guy who had broken down across the street, my mom was leaving to go to kickboxing and the Dog was outside.
he was kinda old and his hearing was starting to go and i even thought , "i should put him inside" but then i thought no, hes crossed the road before without getting hit and went back to pushing the car. then about 4 seconds later i look up and BAM with a sound like a freakin gunshot, i see the dog I've had for 11 years go flying down the road.
he was dead when i got to him, so i assume he didn't feel any pain.
it makes you realize how much life can change in an instant.
i had been having a terrible day at the end of a terrible week, my parents were busy and my brother antagonistic. but kane just barked his hello when i shuffled in through the door and came up wagging his tail like he was still a puppy. i wish i hadn't brushed him off, hoping he would go away.
he was the one that loved me no matter what i did. he would love me when i came home from basketball and drama and cried in my room until my parents had gone to bed, he would sit by my bed and push his head against my hand until i petted him, perhaps after so long he had figured out that if he stayed there i didn't cry as long. he even loved me when i had yelled at him cause john was being a jerk.
his favorite game of all was where he would grab a stick in his mouth, and then i would chase him trying to get it from him. when i got it we would wrestle for it for a minute then it would start all over again.
i know its not her fault. but i hope the girl in who hit him has to get a new car. she took a family member from us, and she didn't even have the guts to stick around.
my dad and i were on the other side of the road helping this guy who had broken down across the street, my mom was leaving to go to kickboxing and the Dog was outside.
he was kinda old and his hearing was starting to go and i even thought , "i should put him inside" but then i thought no, hes crossed the road before without getting hit and went back to pushing the car. then about 4 seconds later i look up and BAM with a sound like a freakin gunshot, i see the dog I've had for 11 years go flying down the road.
he was dead when i got to him, so i assume he didn't feel any pain.
it makes you realize how much life can change in an instant.
i had been having a terrible day at the end of a terrible week, my parents were busy and my brother antagonistic. but kane just barked his hello when i shuffled in through the door and came up wagging his tail like he was still a puppy. i wish i hadn't brushed him off, hoping he would go away.
he was the one that loved me no matter what i did. he would love me when i came home from basketball and drama and cried in my room until my parents had gone to bed, he would sit by my bed and push his head against my hand until i petted him, perhaps after so long he had figured out that if he stayed there i didn't cry as long. he even loved me when i had yelled at him cause john was being a jerk.
his favorite game of all was where he would grab a stick in his mouth, and then i would chase him trying to get it from him. when i got it we would wrestle for it for a minute then it would start all over again.
i know its not her fault. but i hope the girl in who hit him has to get a new car. she took a family member from us, and she didn't even have the guts to stick around.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
i wish i guy like this existed for me.
A dozen roses arrive
What a perfect surprise
You greet me with a kiss
I could get used to this
You think I look the best
When my hair is a mess
I can't believe you exist
I could get used to this
Because you know you're too good to be true
I must have done something good to meet you'
Cause you wrote my name all across your hand
When I freak you understand
There is not a thing you miss
And I could get used to this
I'm feeling it comin' over me
With you it all comes naturally
I've lost the reflex to resist
And I could get used to this
You love the songs I write
You like the movies I like
There must be some kind of twist
I could get used to this
Because you listen to me when I'm depressed
It doesn't seem to make you like me less'
Cause you wrote my name all across your hand
When I freak you understand
There is not a thing you miss
And I could get used to this
I'm feeling it comin' over me
With you it all comes naturally
I've lost the reflex to resist
And I could get used to this
If there's a dark side to you I haven't seen it
Every good thing you do feels like you mean it
You wrote my name all across your hand
When I freak you understand
There is not a thing you miss
And I could get used to this
I'm feeling it comin' over me
With you it all comes naturally
I've lost the reflex to resist
And I could get used to this'
Cause you wrote my name all across your hand
When I freak you understand
There is not a thing you miss
And I could get used to this
I'm feeling it comin' over me
With you it all comes naturally
I've lost the reflex to resist
And I could get used to this
What a perfect surprise
You greet me with a kiss
I could get used to this
You think I look the best
When my hair is a mess
I can't believe you exist
I could get used to this
Because you know you're too good to be true
I must have done something good to meet you'
Cause you wrote my name all across your hand
When I freak you understand
There is not a thing you miss
And I could get used to this
I'm feeling it comin' over me
With you it all comes naturally
I've lost the reflex to resist
And I could get used to this
You love the songs I write
You like the movies I like
There must be some kind of twist
I could get used to this
Because you listen to me when I'm depressed
It doesn't seem to make you like me less'
Cause you wrote my name all across your hand
When I freak you understand
There is not a thing you miss
And I could get used to this
I'm feeling it comin' over me
With you it all comes naturally
I've lost the reflex to resist
And I could get used to this
If there's a dark side to you I haven't seen it
Every good thing you do feels like you mean it
You wrote my name all across your hand
When I freak you understand
There is not a thing you miss
And I could get used to this
I'm feeling it comin' over me
With you it all comes naturally
I've lost the reflex to resist
And I could get used to this'
Cause you wrote my name all across your hand
When I freak you understand
There is not a thing you miss
And I could get used to this
I'm feeling it comin' over me
With you it all comes naturally
I've lost the reflex to resist
And I could get used to this
Friday, April 13, 2007
An Aspect of Perfection
There is a piece of each person that is perfect and good. A Christian would say that it is an aspect of the God in whose image we were created. A spiritual gift if you will. An Evolutionist would say it was the culmination of 200 million years of guess and check.
Whatever it is, I have seen it to often too ever deny its existence; these moments of purity of mind a motivation.In my friend Kay it is unstoppable childlike optimism. In laura it is the abiblity to be totally non-judgmental. In Bee it is compassion for those who don't deserve it. For me it is humor and undivided focus. In my father it is a love of sharing knowledge. In my mother its is selfless giving. In Ori it is defending those who can't or won't defend themselves. In Mr. Mac it is discerning the correct course and following it. In my friend Alyssa it is discerning a need and meeting it.
These traits are not always shown. But when they shine through a rough exterior something beautiful in born. Sometimes a life is saved.
When I wonder about humanity as a whole, whether or not we will survive to bear witness to the end of Gods plan. Or if there's any point in existing at all. When I see terrorists and rapists. When I despair.I see a moment of pure and unadulterated kindness or compassion and my hopes are restored.
That’s my philosophical/optomistic tidbit for the month = ]
Whatever it is, I have seen it to often too ever deny its existence; these moments of purity of mind a motivation.In my friend Kay it is unstoppable childlike optimism. In laura it is the abiblity to be totally non-judgmental. In Bee it is compassion for those who don't deserve it. For me it is humor and undivided focus. In my father it is a love of sharing knowledge. In my mother its is selfless giving. In Ori it is defending those who can't or won't defend themselves. In Mr. Mac it is discerning the correct course and following it. In my friend Alyssa it is discerning a need and meeting it.
These traits are not always shown. But when they shine through a rough exterior something beautiful in born. Sometimes a life is saved.
When I wonder about humanity as a whole, whether or not we will survive to bear witness to the end of Gods plan. Or if there's any point in existing at all. When I see terrorists and rapists. When I despair.I see a moment of pure and unadulterated kindness or compassion and my hopes are restored.
That’s my philosophical/optomistic tidbit for the month = ]
Saturday, April 7, 2007
I remember..
whats happened?
that's pretty much all i can say.
i remember when rules were absolutes. i remember when dad said something it was finished. there was no quarter.
i remember when a mistake was unacceptable. this sounds harsh, but it made me better. its sounds horrible, but it kept order and made things predictable.
i remember when touchy-feely didn't exist, when a hug was sacred. we showed affection in other, more meaningful ways.
i remember when they showed true and real emotion, and they showed that life wasn't easy, but if you try real hard, you'll get what you need.
i remember when discipline was pure and final. perhaps shown to much. but the consequences of your actions were always known.
i remember when Easter candy was about anticipation and excitement, not about obligation or meaningless tradition.
i remember when Christmas was about God and you saw him in the excitement and the love shown by family. not having to get a tree and decorate it.
i remember when life was about duty and obligation, not about whining about it.
i wish remembering wasn't the only thing i could do about it.
is this growing up?
life losing all sparkle and shine?
losing what you get to do, replaced by who and what you have to be?
that's pretty much all i can say.
i remember when rules were absolutes. i remember when dad said something it was finished. there was no quarter.
i remember when a mistake was unacceptable. this sounds harsh, but it made me better. its sounds horrible, but it kept order and made things predictable.
i remember when touchy-feely didn't exist, when a hug was sacred. we showed affection in other, more meaningful ways.
i remember when they showed true and real emotion, and they showed that life wasn't easy, but if you try real hard, you'll get what you need.
i remember when discipline was pure and final. perhaps shown to much. but the consequences of your actions were always known.
i remember when Easter candy was about anticipation and excitement, not about obligation or meaningless tradition.
i remember when Christmas was about God and you saw him in the excitement and the love shown by family. not having to get a tree and decorate it.
i remember when life was about duty and obligation, not about whining about it.
i wish remembering wasn't the only thing i could do about it.
is this growing up?
life losing all sparkle and shine?
losing what you get to do, replaced by who and what you have to be?
Saturday, March 17, 2007
The play, God, Examples..
well the play is over.... = [[[
I'm so sad cause this play has changed me so much. i thought that there would be no way we could pull it off a week ago. we hadn't gotten in enough practices, we weren't really acting serious about it. Bee was obviously doubtful that we were ready. but the awesome thing was that Bee, and the Seniors and Em all seemed to really trust God that we would be able to do it. and i was like wow...
and lo and behold we did the performances better than i thought possible.
But the fact that Bee is having a baby in like 3 weeks kinds ruins the prospect of doing it again next year.
I'm so happy for them (bee and tom) and this is soooo not about me, but it won't be the same without them. bee and em have shown such devotion and kindness its kinda hard to believe.
lol we had the cast party last night and i don't think I've ever seen more people crying over one person. She has touched all of us so much, even me, whose only known her for 2 plays, was sobbing. (that's partly my personality but still) and the fact that she seemed to have a place in her heart for every single one of us, even for the people like me that have only known her for a little while was just so amazing. i hope she realizes the godly example she set for me.
on Monday, kay and i lied to her. we told her we were goin out to talk to our parents and we weren't. kay actually left but that's not the point. she found out somehow and we talked about it. i told her i didn't believe she cared about me because she didn't know me very well. that was the second lie, now i feel horrible about it. cause she seemed to really want me to believe her, like it was important to her that i knew she cared about me. yea i feel like crap about that now...
= [
anyways, onto other things. today i read my bible a seriously prayed for the first time since before basketball started. it was awesome. people wonder why they don't get a lot out of reading their bibles, and i wondered the same thing, now i know its all about how your approaching it. is your reading the Bible so you can "get something out of it" then your prolly not gonna get a whole heck of a lot. but if you approach it as a way to communicate with God, and way to hear him respond to your prayers, then your more likely to hear something, it may not be what you want to hear, but its something.
i think i have my life going the right way finally. i realized that i hate what i am now, and the only way i can change is to put my trust in God. i don't know how to do the whole christian thing, and i don't really understand how to have a relationship with Him, but i trust that he'll lead me to the right places.
and now that i look back on these last couple of years . I've fell away from God. but he has introduced people into my life that have given me such a great example. i think if i didn't know these people then i would be a lot farther from God than i am.
and because i would think it was awesome to be that person for someone I'm going to list their names: pastor Garret, Coach Clark, Jess, Bee, Em, Liz, Kara, Megan S.. the list goes on but i can't think of them right now. but thank you guys for being an awesome example and thank you God for allowing me back into your arms.
= ]
I'm so sad cause this play has changed me so much. i thought that there would be no way we could pull it off a week ago. we hadn't gotten in enough practices, we weren't really acting serious about it. Bee was obviously doubtful that we were ready. but the awesome thing was that Bee, and the Seniors and Em all seemed to really trust God that we would be able to do it. and i was like wow...
and lo and behold we did the performances better than i thought possible.
But the fact that Bee is having a baby in like 3 weeks kinds ruins the prospect of doing it again next year.
I'm so happy for them (bee and tom) and this is soooo not about me, but it won't be the same without them. bee and em have shown such devotion and kindness its kinda hard to believe.
lol we had the cast party last night and i don't think I've ever seen more people crying over one person. She has touched all of us so much, even me, whose only known her for 2 plays, was sobbing. (that's partly my personality but still) and the fact that she seemed to have a place in her heart for every single one of us, even for the people like me that have only known her for a little while was just so amazing. i hope she realizes the godly example she set for me.
on Monday, kay and i lied to her. we told her we were goin out to talk to our parents and we weren't. kay actually left but that's not the point. she found out somehow and we talked about it. i told her i didn't believe she cared about me because she didn't know me very well. that was the second lie, now i feel horrible about it. cause she seemed to really want me to believe her, like it was important to her that i knew she cared about me. yea i feel like crap about that now...
= [
anyways, onto other things. today i read my bible a seriously prayed for the first time since before basketball started. it was awesome. people wonder why they don't get a lot out of reading their bibles, and i wondered the same thing, now i know its all about how your approaching it. is your reading the Bible so you can "get something out of it" then your prolly not gonna get a whole heck of a lot. but if you approach it as a way to communicate with God, and way to hear him respond to your prayers, then your more likely to hear something, it may not be what you want to hear, but its something.
i think i have my life going the right way finally. i realized that i hate what i am now, and the only way i can change is to put my trust in God. i don't know how to do the whole christian thing, and i don't really understand how to have a relationship with Him, but i trust that he'll lead me to the right places.
and now that i look back on these last couple of years . I've fell away from God. but he has introduced people into my life that have given me such a great example. i think if i didn't know these people then i would be a lot farther from God than i am.
and because i would think it was awesome to be that person for someone I'm going to list their names: pastor Garret, Coach Clark, Jess, Bee, Em, Liz, Kara, Megan S.. the list goes on but i can't think of them right now. but thank you guys for being an awesome example and thank you God for allowing me back into your arms.
= ]
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
this week....
i figured it might be fun, even though i already have a myspace, to have a blog. mostly because i hate the myspace blog thing. so here i am... happily blogging away.
yea so today was officially the most annoying day ever! normally at the end of a sports season you give your coaches some sort of gift. well steph had this idea that we would write a poem about memories and stuff that we learned during the season and have it frames and made all nice and we would give them that.
well i thought well thats a gay idea but whatever. so i started to work on it. then today and yesterday i find out that nobody wants to do it besides steph, and the whole team is annoyed because they thinks its a dumb idea. And they're mad at me! and it wasn't even my idea! agh! so annoying.
whatever...
oh and yesterday was bad to cause bee was pissed at something and flipped out on us at play practice. we deserved it, but still it sucked to have her yell at us and to see her all upset.
and Monday was bad to cause it seemed like everybody but me and kay were really pissed at something, kay and i were late to play practice cause we thought it started at 5 when it really started at 4 and bee sent sarah to come find us... soooo embarassing seeing as how sarah had to drive around lima for like 20 minutes trying to find us...
so basically i had a bad week...
and I'm in a fantastic mood....how does that work?
yea so today was officially the most annoying day ever! normally at the end of a sports season you give your coaches some sort of gift. well steph had this idea that we would write a poem about memories and stuff that we learned during the season and have it frames and made all nice and we would give them that.
well i thought well thats a gay idea but whatever. so i started to work on it. then today and yesterday i find out that nobody wants to do it besides steph, and the whole team is annoyed because they thinks its a dumb idea. And they're mad at me! and it wasn't even my idea! agh! so annoying.
whatever...
oh and yesterday was bad to cause bee was pissed at something and flipped out on us at play practice. we deserved it, but still it sucked to have her yell at us and to see her all upset.
and Monday was bad to cause it seemed like everybody but me and kay were really pissed at something, kay and i were late to play practice cause we thought it started at 5 when it really started at 4 and bee sent sarah to come find us... soooo embarassing seeing as how sarah had to drive around lima for like 20 minutes trying to find us...
so basically i had a bad week...
and I'm in a fantastic mood....how does that work?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
