basketball, family, school.

i'm really annoyed today.

So this season in basketball, we were about as good as everyone expected us to be. not very. But so far in sectionals we've gotten a lot farther than anyone thought we would be. and since we won tonight, Friday we're playing in the championship game against whitesville.

why is this bad you ask?

because for the past month and a half my friend and i have been planning to drive down to north Carolina to surprise visit my best friend ori. and that trip just so happened to be planned for this weekend. so now, i get to sit on the bench and watch my team play, and i get to miss something that I've been looking forward to for a couple months now.

its so frustrating. i love basketball. i love my team, my coaches, i love getting the exercise and i just love playing the game. and i thought this season would be even better than normal, because since the patruskas were gonna give me a ride home every night, my parents wouldn't whine and complain as much.

wrong. my parents constantly whine about how inconvenient basketball is. and how they hate coming to get me after games, and how my dad thinks sports are a royal waste of time. i can't get away from it! today after the game we were hanging out a little while to watch the game after ours, and one of the first things my dad and brother day to me is " i wish you guys had lost, then we wouldn't have to deal with this anymore."

who even says that? aren't parents supposed to be supportive and happy for you when your team does well in sectionals?

I'm so sick of my family. my dad whines constantly about me and what i love while ignoring more important things. my mom can't freakin put down the wine glass, and my brother is a complete jerk and yet everyone still seems to think he's god's gift to mankind. i don't understand it.

it doesn't help that school totally sucks right now. like the work doesn't bother me. I'm all caught up from being in Haiti and all my teachers still love me. but i have no one to talk to. i get to school before homeroom, stand around in the hall for a little while then start the day. i don't talk to anyone during classes, during lunch i eat out by the unused lockers in the "senior hallway" by myself. usually i read or something to pass the time.

i hate my life right now. i know I'm supposed to be content with what I'm given, but even the total scumbags i know, the people that are just absolutely repulsive, have friends. i don't know what it is about me, why i don't know how to talk to people, but i am the only person i know who is so at the bottom of the social foodchain that they have to eat their lunch hiding in the new wing.

long, wierd day.

well this has been an interesting day.

i got up really late. and went to practice, which wasn't really a practice cause only myria, steph, hadassah and i showed up. then since dad can't plan for crap lauren and crista ended up having to come pick me up. then i hung out by myself all day. slept a lot cause the cold medicine made me sleepy. then laura and paul came over and have been here since about 8 o'clock. we got back from walmart about a half an hour ago. i had to drive them.

so i think i'm gonna go get a snack and then go to bed. cause i'm tired.

sick

ugh. i'm sick.

and seriously one of my biggest pet peeves is when somone walks into my room to say somthing, and farts. i find incredibly obnoxious that they had to do it right then, when i have to smell it and sleep in the stench. it really bothers me.

anyways. we won our second sectional game. not that anyone actually cares about girls basketball, but just in case anyone was interested. granted, we are much lesss exciting to watch than the guys. our ext game is this next monday against prattsburg. i think we can win it, but it's gonna be hard.

i'm going to bed. i hope i feel better in the morning. ugh. i hate being sick.

....

agh!

i had somthing to say, and then blogger was dumb and i had to go change my settings and now i forgot! poop.

anyways, i was just at Bee's page, then i went to look at em's and i realized my blog is superly-duperly boring. i wish i was talented at web-page design, cause i have no clue how to do that stuff.

hate/want

I hate sitting here watching you cry
I hate having to say goodbye
I hate not being able to fix it for you
I hate not knowing what it is thats bothering you.
I hate not being able to sweep you up,
and have you feel better in my arms.

I want to be there for you
I want you to trust me
I want to be everything you want and need.

I hate how you trap me with your charm
I hate how you're stuck in my head,
I hate how you haunt my every dream,

and I'm scared of what i feel might possibly mean.

- Elizabeth Greenwalt

valentines day

i don't really like valentines day. for a few reasons.

i don't think its pointless, some guys and girls just need the reminder to tell people they love them. they may still love them if they don't say anything. but its nice to hear them say it.

I love doing nice things for people. and thats why i hate valentines day. i don't have anyone to buy flowers/card/dinner for, or to do anything sweet and thoughtful for. i'd love to have somone i could leave little notes for to lead them to a big present, or to just make their favorite kind of cookie or somthing. but i don't. and no one to say it to me.

i'm sorry i'm in really self-pitying mood right now. i should be praising God for giving me the people i have. so what if its not want i want? i'm sure he's got somone ready for me. i sure hope so.

anyways. this friday we had a sectional game, we won, which was cool, but the best part was the party we had at myria's afterward. ask me somtime. i'll tell you why it was so amazing.

But it shouldn't have been! it should have been somthing that jsut happens, somthing that no ones notices, just normal, and no one else did. but not me. its all i've been able to think about for two days now. i don't understand why God gave me this. i don't know if its supposed to help me understand other's pain, but right now it just straight-up sucks.

how're you guys? all 2 of you that read this?

you don't get it.

somtimes i woner if there is any point in this blog. i'm pretty sure that no one reads it that often, and when i really want to write stuff down in it i never have the time. also i had this fantastic idea that i would journal while i was in haiti and then transfer what i had written into my blog... didn't happen. i wrote one then got bored and went away.

Haiti isn't somthing that i can talk to people about really. more often then not they don't get it. for example, when we got into port-au-prince this year it was dark out. And the city is very flat, not a lot of really tall buildings, but is incredibly sprawling. and it sort of has climbed up out of hte coastal flats onto the nearest mountains. so when we Got into the truck and were driving to the mission house, you seriously could barely tell where the mountains stopped and the stars began.

right now your thinking, "wow thats cool, kinda neat, sounds a lot like all those other missions trip stories i've heard." But for me in was incredible. absolutly awe inspiring and in that moment i felt so connected to God, my team, and the country i came to serve i almost felt like crying.

but no one i ever tell that story to will ever understand that. no matter how well i tell the stories and relate my experiences, no one will really be able to say, " i get what you mean, like i totaly understand."

which is sad. so i'm sorry if you ask me about the trip and all i say is, "it was good. it was fun." but you cannot understand just how it feels for me to be in haiti. i feel much more at home there than i do here, at my real home.

anyways the bell is about to ring. (i'm blogging at school again = ])