hmmm

i wish i hadn't missed youth group Sunday. i feel so off and out of kilter. bible is great and everything, but i need some God time. time where i can settle down into worship and forget about all the cares of this world and focus of God.

i kinda feel like God wants me to go to this little small group type thingy that some girls in my class have set up. i wanna go to, and it would make finding a place to sit during lunch on Fridays a lot easier, but I'm kinda scared of being branded as on of "Renee's groupies".

it sucks that at lime the only people who might even care about God the same way i do, have this stigma attached to them. I'd feel like a total outsider.

idk. i wish i had more control over my life.right now anything i do has to be approved by mom and dad then fir into the schedule. i hate it.

poetry

Life

Sometimes we fall, screw up and have to deal with some crap,
but the trick is to never ever look back.
when times are rough,
smile and remember who cared.
when you could shout and scream, give up and stop,
remember how you could have fared.

When you see others glitter and shine,
remember that they also pine,
to have and to hold,
to be happy and bold.
no one is perfect, none are flawless,
and though it looks fun, it sucks to be lawless.
-me

its unfinished and rough, but i like it.

Great quote and an awesome poem

some really great quotes.

"Changing yourself to fit in isn’t that bad.
The only other option is to accept being sad.
You can’t expect people to just like you for who you are,
It’s your job to make yourself someone worth caring for.

To love and to be loved is work from both sides.
If you sit back and watch you’re likely to be left behind.
To always be running,
And to never arrive.
To do what needs to be done,
To achieve that lovers high."
- Elizabeth greenwalt

"As Harold took a bite of Bavarian sugar cookie, he finally felt as if everything was going to be ok. Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And, fortunately, when there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurneys and nose plugs, an uneaten Danish, soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also know that it just so happens to be true. And, so it was, a wristwatch saved Harold Crick."
- Stanger than Fiction

= /

i don't really know how to describe how i feel right now.

i just watched a really good movie, and I'm utterly content except for the fact that i am completely alone. i feel like when i feel like this that perhaps it would be better if i had someone to share it with. when i am happy, not a shallow, I've been amused happy, but a content peaceful happy, no one is ever there to see it. and when I'm miserable and all i want is a hug and someone who cares, i carry that alone. i have God, But he created us for relationship with each other as well as him.

and Walter died last night. He was an amazing man, one of the most humble,gentle men I've ever met and a true servant of the lord. i met him the first year i went to Haiti, and we kinda became buddies as the years passed. and now hes gone. I'm gonna miss him.

.............

i need money for haiti!

anyways, i started selling duct tape wallets, and a surprising amount of people will buy them from me. its pretty cool.