2 Types of Love

I've been thinking a lot about love lately. i know, time to groan and say, "omg not another whiny, self centered, immature teenager" but seriously, i've had a lot to think about lately.

see, i'm beginning to think more and More that God doesn't intend for people to be in love in the way that our culture holds up as being ideal. Even outside the issue of premarital sex, which I'm pretty sure all of my readers believe is wrong.

I talking about how in the movies they seem to completely understand each other just because. They would do anything for each other, and this love isn't earned or even considered, the two people just find that they care for each other. rather than a love built from just knowing each other so well that you can really do nothing but care for each other.

I may be the only person who this happens to, but its like the difference between a spring break friendship and the friend you've known since you were little. the spring break friendship is when you meet someone, and you just click. Really they are the only person you want to hang out with, you feel like you could tell them your secrets, and they feel the same about you. It may not be a new person, it may be someone you rediscover. But, the defining characteristic is how you suddenly feel safe, like you found someone who gets you. Another factor is that those friendships tend to be short and sweet.

While the person you've known since you were little may even be someone who if you met now, you wouldn't even like. But because of how long you've known them, you understand where they come from. you been through everything with them, you understand them through experience with them. because of that, there really is no way that you can reject them, you care for them because you understand them.

Our culture seems to place more value on the first type of relationship. the kind built on intense emotion rather than long periods of experience. And God would rather we build out relationships like the second kind of friend. which i think is sad.

anyways, I'm not sure if that made any sense at all. but its something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Especially since we'll be talking about homosexuality in bible in like a week, it will be interesting to see people's different beliefs on the value of love.

please if you have an opinion or even if you just read this, can you leave a comment? i kinda want to know what people think about this.

All good things must come to an end.

life has been goin really well latly.

and i'm absolutly terrified.

i'm scared its gonna end. i'm scared these people will stop caring about me. I know how easily a close freindship can become intense hatred. and it can happen fast. i'm scared these people i care so much about will shut me out. i'm scared i'll say the wrong thing, let to much out at once. i'm scared they will see the real me and be repulsed.

Anyways, life has been good lately. =

an amazing day.

friday was amazing.

chapel was semi interesting, matt didn't tell the Ice cream truck story this time, which is a plus. the worship was ok, it didn't really seem like they had practiced, but hey, its the end of the year and nobody really cares anymore anyways.

there was an incredible amount of drama that day. like three people were sobbing in multiple classes, and it seemed like there was a lot of boy trouble. nicole and steve are still annoyed at eachother, but thats a long story. it was a wierd day in that respect, but frankly i don't mind.

i didn't finish a chemistry test we had that day, so even though i only had like 3 problems to finish, i skipped all of art. and after i was done, i sat and talked to steph for the rest of the period. which was fun, even though it seemed like she was in a wierd mood. oh! right, darius was gone that day, thats why she was talking to me. i got it now.

anyways, it had been a while since i had last posted, so i figured i'd fill you in on a great day i had. = ]

Chapel and some other stuff.

so today we had the most crazy/awkward/interesting chapel ever. It was cool cause instead of having some old guy preach at us stuff we already heard before like they usually do, they decided to mix up the semi annual sex talk chapel and make it interesting.

they had a panel of people that were supposed to answer questions that people had submitted anonymously over the course of the week. these question could be about anything, and we covered subject form modesty to whether or not recreation alcohol is really wrong. it was quite interesting.

Mr nelson however, took it upon himself to be completely frank and honest about the male perspective on things, and said some stuff i never ever wanted to hear a middle aged man who i see everyday, say. But on the other hand it's Mr nelson, most harmless man ever. it was quite funny, i think that if it had been another man teacher it would have been a lot worse.

it was cool though, cause even under all the awkwardness some real question were asked, more than just the usual "my life sucks" questions. and I'm kinda looking forward to having this type of chapel again. partly because it was different, partly because it felt like the answers that the panel was giving were good, well thought answers that weren't just to get us to shut up, or to make sure we knew that as student we are second rate human beings. cause usually that's how stuff like this ends up, with the adults asserting their dominance, and the kids just tune out.

anyways yea that was cool. the rest of the day was kinda weird. I'm so happy this week is over. it was just weird and stressful and full of drama that i was effected by but not part of. which is the worst, because then you don't actually know whats going on, you just know that people your care about are upset, and you can't do anything about. grr. frustrating. = [

and i need to get started on my research paper. i don't even have a real bibliography yet. i haven't been to the library, and i don't know when I'll have time, and all of our note cards are due next Thursday. i am so screwed! and this is like a 300 point assignment. it doesn't help that i have to go to the library all by myself and spend the whole freakin day there with no one to talk to. i don't know, maybe I'll call Nikki and we'll make a day of it. maybe get Starbucks or something. i don't know.

i need to get a job, cause it looks like we're gonna have to buy a new car for me cause my intrepid decided to blow a cylinder. and i have no money, and if i l;eave it up to my parents I'll Prolly end up with an old dodge mini van or something. so if any of ya'll who read this know of a place that's looking to hire. let me know k? lol = ]


sorry about the massive amount of random topic switching. =

my life

i'm am so ready for school to be over! i'm so sick of haveing to get up early and go to a place i hate, and do work i hate doing, and see people that make me sad, when i know that i only have like a month more to go. if summer wasn't ever coming i think i could prolly get over it, but right now i just want a fast forward button!

and my car broke down. it just stalled in the middle fo the road and i couldn get it satrted again. so i called my granpa nd he towed it home. so now its sitting next to the gym, not drivable. we're either gonna sell it for parts, or put down the 2000 dollars to get a new engine put in. frankly i'd rather just get a new car for cheap. but its up to the parents. grr

Poetry For English class.

We were supposed to write in free verse and as if we were writing from beyong the grave.

Elizabeth Greenwalt

I don’t know who I was.
Some men called me smart,
They said I would do anything I wanted.
Some said I was strong of heart and body,
That I could work harder than anyone,
And that I would do well.
Some called me driven and motivated,
And said that I would go places.
I don’t know who I was,
But I know that my intelligence made me sad,
And even though I worked until my back was bent and my fingers gnarled,
I never impressed the one person that mattered to me.
And even with all that drive and motivation,
The only place I went was six feet under.


Jack Perkins

I think Arabia was one of the best.
The endless oceans of dry sand where beautiful to me.
I was never one to enjoy the wet,
So Panama and the Congo weren’t much fun.
The Beauty of the age old architecture of Prague,
And the pain filled memories of Auwshwitz have stayed with me.
London is calling,
And Paris, always so full of life and culture.
But it’s the nights in Italy I remember the best.
It was the place you wanted to go first,
And therefore the place I took you.
I showed you Venice, Rome, and Naples.
We even spent a day in the Vatican.
We promised we’d go back.
But we got home and I got sick.
The doctors said three to fours months.
I thought, “time enough at least for Italy.”
You said no, money better to be spent on me.
But here I am,
We never got back to Italy,
And I’ll never get back to you.

Elton Kelly

I loved music
I loved the way it flowed
I loved how it could tell a story,
Could express emotion better than words.
My mother called it the Language of the Soul.
Yup, I think it’s music I miss the most.