"why do you treat people like the bass line to your melody? merely a bland backdrop to make you look more exciting? Important but replacable.can't you see they have their own song to sing? that it may be calmer but have as much meaning as yours?"
-Elizabeth Greenwalt
yours and mine
yours is a tumble,
a riot of blazing sound,
a song that brings laughter and tears.
it is easily understood,
has depth but little meaning.
mine is of a slower tune.
of a less comforting harmony.
intentionally discordant at times,
unadorned with no pretenses.
His is rhythmic and full of life,
but not the beautiful tumult of yours,
or the deep philosophy of mine.
his heart beats to the tune of a far away drummer,
yet produces a melody just as fine.
Hers is like none before.
it has a simplicity that belies its depth.
she speaks with the simplest combinations.
her song is of reality,
at first glance bleak,
but with time becomes a song of joy in actual life.
No happy endings,
but none in total tragedy either.
can't you see they are all as well as the last?
that hers and his and mine are as good as yours?
can you stop to listen?
-Emily Wadsworth
Sunday, June 22, 2008
You don't have to try. Most of us already are.
i think its truely ridiculous when people work so hard to convince people that they are "different". for several reasons:
1. in compostition we are ALL THE SAME:
we enjoy the company of people who value us.
most of us are looking for love in some form.
we are composed mostly of water and hydrocardons.
2. Actaully, when you want to be different, its because you want attention, orto separate yourself from the crowd. its because you want to be unique. not because you actaully are.
3. You make yourself look like an idiot. you wear styles that dont fit you because it makes you feel "edgy". you listen to crappy music cause no oneelse does. Theres usually a reason why something is unpopular, poor quality for example, but you ignore that for the sake of being different, when reallyyou're just the same as everyone else.
4. Finally, because every statistic happens on a bell curve, there are thosewho actually are different, in ways that aren't stylish right now. those peoplelaugh at the people who spend their time trying to be "unique" because theirdeepest, most painful desire is to be the same as everyone else.
I laugh at these people, yet feel so sorry for them as well. They live under their parents thumb. or some drive within them to do better. or feel they must earn something, when the best things in life are free. They fight to be different, i'm not sure why. I bet some psychologist could give me a good enough reason, but frankly i think i'd be easier to forget trying to be different, and just live your life with waht you have, find the differences that matter, and focus on healing those.
1. in compostition we are ALL THE SAME:
we enjoy the company of people who value us.
most of us are looking for love in some form.
we are composed mostly of water and hydrocardons.
2. Actaully, when you want to be different, its because you want attention, orto separate yourself from the crowd. its because you want to be unique. not because you actaully are.
3. You make yourself look like an idiot. you wear styles that dont fit you because it makes you feel "edgy". you listen to crappy music cause no oneelse does. Theres usually a reason why something is unpopular, poor quality for example, but you ignore that for the sake of being different, when reallyyou're just the same as everyone else.
4. Finally, because every statistic happens on a bell curve, there are thosewho actually are different, in ways that aren't stylish right now. those peoplelaugh at the people who spend their time trying to be "unique" because theirdeepest, most painful desire is to be the same as everyone else.
I laugh at these people, yet feel so sorry for them as well. They live under their parents thumb. or some drive within them to do better. or feel they must earn something, when the best things in life are free. They fight to be different, i'm not sure why. I bet some psychologist could give me a good enough reason, but frankly i think i'd be easier to forget trying to be different, and just live your life with waht you have, find the differences that matter, and focus on healing those.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
WICKED
sup crazies?
so my life right now. haha its pretty crazy.
My sis, mom and i went to see wicked on Sunday. ITS WAS AMAZING! its was almost better than it was on Broadway. which is astounding, cause it was out of this world in NYC. i think the NY the singers were better, but only marginally, and it seemed this time that the actors were more human. like they brought more emotion to their roles. which was really cool. now our seats weren't as great as they were in NY but they still were pretty good. AH! it was so fabulous! it kinda reignited my obsession with the soundtrack, i now have rememorized all the songs, and will randomly break out into.. "POPULAR! its all about popular! don't be offended by my frank analysis, just think of it as personality dialysis!" = ]
but yea when we got home, i had an 8 page paper to write for Schwartz due on Monday, so i stayed up until 4:30am to finish that, and was completely dead the next day. but i got it done, and i did a lot better than most people. most people didn't even get the requisite number of pages.
but yea life's pretty crazy! only like a week and a couple days more of school! its both amazing and sad all at the same time. Cause I'm so ready to not have homework anymore, but then again, I'm prolly not gonna see steph, meg, rach, or nikki until like halfway through the summer, which is sad, cause I'm gonna miss them like crazy. one of the downsides of having great friends, is going without them kinda sucks.
but yea, figured i needed to post, cause i hadn't in awhile. but now i'm off to go get ready for youth group!
so my life right now. haha its pretty crazy.
My sis, mom and i went to see wicked on Sunday. ITS WAS AMAZING! its was almost better than it was on Broadway. which is astounding, cause it was out of this world in NYC. i think the NY the singers were better, but only marginally, and it seemed this time that the actors were more human. like they brought more emotion to their roles. which was really cool. now our seats weren't as great as they were in NY but they still were pretty good. AH! it was so fabulous! it kinda reignited my obsession with the soundtrack, i now have rememorized all the songs, and will randomly break out into.. "POPULAR! its all about popular! don't be offended by my frank analysis, just think of it as personality dialysis!" = ]
but yea when we got home, i had an 8 page paper to write for Schwartz due on Monday, so i stayed up until 4:30am to finish that, and was completely dead the next day. but i got it done, and i did a lot better than most people. most people didn't even get the requisite number of pages.
but yea life's pretty crazy! only like a week and a couple days more of school! its both amazing and sad all at the same time. Cause I'm so ready to not have homework anymore, but then again, I'm prolly not gonna see steph, meg, rach, or nikki until like halfway through the summer, which is sad, cause I'm gonna miss them like crazy. one of the downsides of having great friends, is going without them kinda sucks.
but yea, figured i needed to post, cause i hadn't in awhile. but now i'm off to go get ready for youth group!
Friday, May 23, 2008
2 Types of Love
I've been thinking a lot about love lately. i know, time to groan and say, "omg not another whiny, self centered, immature teenager" but seriously, i've had a lot to think about lately.
see, i'm beginning to think more and More that God doesn't intend for people to be in love in the way that our culture holds up as being ideal. Even outside the issue of premarital sex, which I'm pretty sure all of my readers believe is wrong.
I talking about how in the movies they seem to completely understand each other just because. They would do anything for each other, and this love isn't earned or even considered, the two people just find that they care for each other. rather than a love built from just knowing each other so well that you can really do nothing but care for each other.
I may be the only person who this happens to, but its like the difference between a spring break friendship and the friend you've known since you were little. the spring break friendship is when you meet someone, and you just click. Really they are the only person you want to hang out with, you feel like you could tell them your secrets, and they feel the same about you. It may not be a new person, it may be someone you rediscover. But, the defining characteristic is how you suddenly feel safe, like you found someone who gets you. Another factor is that those friendships tend to be short and sweet.
While the person you've known since you were little may even be someone who if you met now, you wouldn't even like. But because of how long you've known them, you understand where they come from. you been through everything with them, you understand them through experience with them. because of that, there really is no way that you can reject them, you care for them because you understand them.
Our culture seems to place more value on the first type of relationship. the kind built on intense emotion rather than long periods of experience. And God would rather we build out relationships like the second kind of friend. which i think is sad.
anyways, I'm not sure if that made any sense at all. but its something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Especially since we'll be talking about homosexuality in bible in like a week, it will be interesting to see people's different beliefs on the value of love.
please if you have an opinion or even if you just read this, can you leave a comment? i kinda want to know what people think about this.
see, i'm beginning to think more and More that God doesn't intend for people to be in love in the way that our culture holds up as being ideal. Even outside the issue of premarital sex, which I'm pretty sure all of my readers believe is wrong.
I talking about how in the movies they seem to completely understand each other just because. They would do anything for each other, and this love isn't earned or even considered, the two people just find that they care for each other. rather than a love built from just knowing each other so well that you can really do nothing but care for each other.
I may be the only person who this happens to, but its like the difference between a spring break friendship and the friend you've known since you were little. the spring break friendship is when you meet someone, and you just click. Really they are the only person you want to hang out with, you feel like you could tell them your secrets, and they feel the same about you. It may not be a new person, it may be someone you rediscover. But, the defining characteristic is how you suddenly feel safe, like you found someone who gets you. Another factor is that those friendships tend to be short and sweet.
While the person you've known since you were little may even be someone who if you met now, you wouldn't even like. But because of how long you've known them, you understand where they come from. you been through everything with them, you understand them through experience with them. because of that, there really is no way that you can reject them, you care for them because you understand them.
Our culture seems to place more value on the first type of relationship. the kind built on intense emotion rather than long periods of experience. And God would rather we build out relationships like the second kind of friend. which i think is sad.
anyways, I'm not sure if that made any sense at all. but its something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Especially since we'll be talking about homosexuality in bible in like a week, it will be interesting to see people's different beliefs on the value of love.
please if you have an opinion or even if you just read this, can you leave a comment? i kinda want to know what people think about this.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
All good things must come to an end.
life has been goin really well latly.
and i'm absolutly terrified.
i'm scared its gonna end. i'm scared these people will stop caring about me. I know how easily a close freindship can become intense hatred. and it can happen fast. i'm scared these people i care so much about will shut me out. i'm scared i'll say the wrong thing, let to much out at once. i'm scared they will see the real me and be repulsed.
Anyways, life has been good lately. =
and i'm absolutly terrified.
i'm scared its gonna end. i'm scared these people will stop caring about me. I know how easily a close freindship can become intense hatred. and it can happen fast. i'm scared these people i care so much about will shut me out. i'm scared i'll say the wrong thing, let to much out at once. i'm scared they will see the real me and be repulsed.
Anyways, life has been good lately. =
Saturday, May 17, 2008
an amazing day.
friday was amazing.
chapel was semi interesting, matt didn't tell the Ice cream truck story this time, which is a plus. the worship was ok, it didn't really seem like they had practiced, but hey, its the end of the year and nobody really cares anymore anyways.
there was an incredible amount of drama that day. like three people were sobbing in multiple classes, and it seemed like there was a lot of boy trouble. nicole and steve are still annoyed at eachother, but thats a long story. it was a wierd day in that respect, but frankly i don't mind.
i didn't finish a chemistry test we had that day, so even though i only had like 3 problems to finish, i skipped all of art. and after i was done, i sat and talked to steph for the rest of the period. which was fun, even though it seemed like she was in a wierd mood. oh! right, darius was gone that day, thats why she was talking to me. i got it now.
anyways, it had been a while since i had last posted, so i figured i'd fill you in on a great day i had. = ]
chapel was semi interesting, matt didn't tell the Ice cream truck story this time, which is a plus. the worship was ok, it didn't really seem like they had practiced, but hey, its the end of the year and nobody really cares anymore anyways.
there was an incredible amount of drama that day. like three people were sobbing in multiple classes, and it seemed like there was a lot of boy trouble. nicole and steve are still annoyed at eachother, but thats a long story. it was a wierd day in that respect, but frankly i don't mind.
i didn't finish a chemistry test we had that day, so even though i only had like 3 problems to finish, i skipped all of art. and after i was done, i sat and talked to steph for the rest of the period. which was fun, even though it seemed like she was in a wierd mood. oh! right, darius was gone that day, thats why she was talking to me. i got it now.
anyways, it had been a while since i had last posted, so i figured i'd fill you in on a great day i had. = ]
Friday, May 9, 2008
Chapel and some other stuff.
so today we had the most crazy/awkward/interesting chapel ever. It was cool cause instead of having some old guy preach at us stuff we already heard before like they usually do, they decided to mix up the semi annual sex talk chapel and make it interesting.
they had a panel of people that were supposed to answer questions that people had submitted anonymously over the course of the week. these question could be about anything, and we covered subject form modesty to whether or not recreation alcohol is really wrong. it was quite interesting.
Mr nelson however, took it upon himself to be completely frank and honest about the male perspective on things, and said some stuff i never ever wanted to hear a middle aged man who i see everyday, say. But on the other hand it's Mr nelson, most harmless man ever. it was quite funny, i think that if it had been another man teacher it would have been a lot worse.
it was cool though, cause even under all the awkwardness some real question were asked, more than just the usual "my life sucks" questions. and I'm kinda looking forward to having this type of chapel again. partly because it was different, partly because it felt like the answers that the panel was giving were good, well thought answers that weren't just to get us to shut up, or to make sure we knew that as student we are second rate human beings. cause usually that's how stuff like this ends up, with the adults asserting their dominance, and the kids just tune out.
anyways yea that was cool. the rest of the day was kinda weird. I'm so happy this week is over. it was just weird and stressful and full of drama that i was effected by but not part of. which is the worst, because then you don't actually know whats going on, you just know that people your care about are upset, and you can't do anything about. grr. frustrating. = [
and i need to get started on my research paper. i don't even have a real bibliography yet. i haven't been to the library, and i don't know when I'll have time, and all of our note cards are due next Thursday. i am so screwed! and this is like a 300 point assignment. it doesn't help that i have to go to the library all by myself and spend the whole freakin day there with no one to talk to. i don't know, maybe I'll call Nikki and we'll make a day of it. maybe get Starbucks or something. i don't know.
i need to get a job, cause it looks like we're gonna have to buy a new car for me cause my intrepid decided to blow a cylinder. and i have no money, and if i l;eave it up to my parents I'll Prolly end up with an old dodge mini van or something. so if any of ya'll who read this know of a place that's looking to hire. let me know k? lol = ]
sorry about the massive amount of random topic switching. =
they had a panel of people that were supposed to answer questions that people had submitted anonymously over the course of the week. these question could be about anything, and we covered subject form modesty to whether or not recreation alcohol is really wrong. it was quite interesting.
Mr nelson however, took it upon himself to be completely frank and honest about the male perspective on things, and said some stuff i never ever wanted to hear a middle aged man who i see everyday, say. But on the other hand it's Mr nelson, most harmless man ever. it was quite funny, i think that if it had been another man teacher it would have been a lot worse.
it was cool though, cause even under all the awkwardness some real question were asked, more than just the usual "my life sucks" questions. and I'm kinda looking forward to having this type of chapel again. partly because it was different, partly because it felt like the answers that the panel was giving were good, well thought answers that weren't just to get us to shut up, or to make sure we knew that as student we are second rate human beings. cause usually that's how stuff like this ends up, with the adults asserting their dominance, and the kids just tune out.
anyways yea that was cool. the rest of the day was kinda weird. I'm so happy this week is over. it was just weird and stressful and full of drama that i was effected by but not part of. which is the worst, because then you don't actually know whats going on, you just know that people your care about are upset, and you can't do anything about. grr. frustrating. = [
and i need to get started on my research paper. i don't even have a real bibliography yet. i haven't been to the library, and i don't know when I'll have time, and all of our note cards are due next Thursday. i am so screwed! and this is like a 300 point assignment. it doesn't help that i have to go to the library all by myself and spend the whole freakin day there with no one to talk to. i don't know, maybe I'll call Nikki and we'll make a day of it. maybe get Starbucks or something. i don't know.
i need to get a job, cause it looks like we're gonna have to buy a new car for me cause my intrepid decided to blow a cylinder. and i have no money, and if i l;eave it up to my parents I'll Prolly end up with an old dodge mini van or something. so if any of ya'll who read this know of a place that's looking to hire. let me know k? lol = ]
sorry about the massive amount of random topic switching. =
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