hey crazy kids.
hows it goin? I've decided that being responsible is kinda annoying. i don't want to be responsible. i don't want to look for scholarships. don't want to work out. i don't want to study for my SATs. i want to sit and eat and watch TV.
but anyways. i think I've figured out a way to deal with my life. its not very effective. but it'll do until school is over.
and I've decided that there will be no more blogging for Emily. when Mrs Schwartz came up to me and started talking about how she read my blog. i decided to be done. so, if people are interested in how i am, rather than looking on the world wide web, they can send me a text.
= ] peace out.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
favorite song!
It's 2:45 the baby takes his 1st breath
the mother never knew he only had a few left
and the father gets a call in the middle of the night
his breath gets short and his chest gets tight
But he's 16 and he's driving too fast
takes a turn to the left, it would be his last
nobody knows what happens if he turns to the right
no body in the car woulda died that night
But he's 32 and invincible
the cancer he had it was visceral
he never saw it coming
but he had his own life
sick in the morning and he died in the night
We're all so
We're on the line
We're all
We're all [oh]
We're wasted, no no no
We're all wasted
We're wasted, no no
We're all wasted
He's 7 years old, got his bat in his hand
he's looking for his father and he doesn't understand
'coz dad's too busy got some deals on the way
his son sits alone as the children play
And he's 18 he couldn't wait to move out
his parents wonder what the rush is about
they never bothered with his dreams only thinking of theirs
wonder's why he doesn't call and why he doesn't care
But he's 32 and invincible
witheverything he is based on principle
he never had a truly happy moment in his life
he didn't want the kids and he didn't want his wife
We're wasted, no no no
We're all wasted
We're wasted, no no
We're all wasted
We're wasted
We're all wasted
We're all wasted, no no
We're all wasted
23 now, got his life in his hands
he's looking all around and he doesn't understand
'coz life's too busy, things get in the way
we all feel alone every single day
and im 18 couldn't wait to move out
it's been five years and now im starting to doubt
whether all my dreams are just aimless stares
looking out to someplace that isn’t there
when i'm 32 will i be miserable
wheneverything around is based on principle
well, i have a clue,ooo wouldn't it be nice
to never be alone in this wasted life
"Wasted" - cartel
the mother never knew he only had a few left
and the father gets a call in the middle of the night
his breath gets short and his chest gets tight
But he's 16 and he's driving too fast
takes a turn to the left, it would be his last
nobody knows what happens if he turns to the right
no body in the car woulda died that night
But he's 32 and invincible
the cancer he had it was visceral
he never saw it coming
but he had his own life
sick in the morning and he died in the night
We're all so
We're on the line
We're all
We're all [oh]
We're wasted, no no no
We're all wasted
We're wasted, no no
We're all wasted
He's 7 years old, got his bat in his hand
he's looking for his father and he doesn't understand
'coz dad's too busy got some deals on the way
his son sits alone as the children play
And he's 18 he couldn't wait to move out
his parents wonder what the rush is about
they never bothered with his dreams only thinking of theirs
wonder's why he doesn't call and why he doesn't care
But he's 32 and invincible
witheverything he is based on principle
he never had a truly happy moment in his life
he didn't want the kids and he didn't want his wife
We're wasted, no no no
We're all wasted
We're wasted, no no
We're all wasted
We're wasted
We're all wasted
We're all wasted, no no
We're all wasted
23 now, got his life in his hands
he's looking all around and he doesn't understand
'coz life's too busy, things get in the way
we all feel alone every single day
and im 18 couldn't wait to move out
it's been five years and now im starting to doubt
whether all my dreams are just aimless stares
looking out to someplace that isn’t there
when i'm 32 will i be miserable
wheneverything around is based on principle
well, i have a clue,ooo wouldn't it be nice
to never be alone in this wasted life
"Wasted" - cartel
Thursday, March 20, 2008
emoness could not be contained
I'm glad this week is over. its been pretty bad. I had play practice twice this week, which usually is good, but play practice is kinda pointless for me, cause in the big final scene I'm on for about 30 seconds at the end, and my big scene where i run the show is totally inconsequential. It's funny and everything, but isn't really important to the plot or the play as a whole. so basically i sit there for 3 hours and work for about an hour. if that. don't get me wrong i love my part, and i love play practice, i wish we had it every day of the week, but it's been kinda frustrating lately.
and school has been gay. its so freaking confusing to feel the way i do. Cause now there's this guy, and i have no idea what he thinks but i'm becoming attached. and that just confuses things worse.
then there are thse people who "care" about me. Which is great and all, its nice to have freinds. but i can't think of one of these people who wouldn't turn around and run away screaming if i told them why i was upset. which is upseting. lol. and ori lives in NC. it sucks havning you're best freind live so far away.
and school has been gay. its so freaking confusing to feel the way i do. Cause now there's this guy, and i have no idea what he thinks but i'm becoming attached. and that just confuses things worse.
then there are thse people who "care" about me. Which is great and all, its nice to have freinds. but i can't think of one of these people who wouldn't turn around and run away screaming if i told them why i was upset. which is upseting. lol. and ori lives in NC. it sucks havning you're best freind live so far away.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
survey.
1. Could you date someone taller than you?
yes
2. When was the last time something bothered you?
school yesterday
3. What would you do if your ex showed up at your door?
shut the door
5. What do you think of this person you took this from?
ori
6. Where was your default picture taken?
creek w/ kay
7. Who was your last text from?
aubrey i think
8. What's the most interesting thing that happened to you today?
slept till noon
9. What's your favorite number?
8
10. Are you single?
yies
11. What is your current mood?
tired
12. Last people you hung out with?
my family i guess?
13. What sports do you enjoy playing?
soccer. Basketball. softball isn't so bad
14. Do you have a crazy side?
indeed
15. Have you ever had a near death experience?
not really
16. What was the highlight of your week?
i don't remember
17. Could you date someone who was a bad kisser?
prolly. it'd be annoying though
18. Who would be the first to know if you got someone pregnant/got pregnant?
ori. or my sister
24. What's the last thing someone said to you?
"feed the cats"
25. Where is your phone?
upstairs
26. Do you like cuddling?
yes = ]
27. Who/what do you hate/dislike currently?
being home
28. Have you ever been given an engagement ring?
nope
29. Would you ever cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend?
nope
30. Would you ever date a friends ex?
depends
32. What is the last thing you thought about?
dunno
33. When is your birthday?
august 27
35. How do you feel about your hair right now?
don't really care
36. Do you miss anyone?
a couple people
37. What do you miss most about the past?
innocence
39. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating?
who can't?
41. What was your new years resolution?
lose weight
43. Do you think you lead people on?
hahahahaha no.
44. Are you afraid of falling in love?
idk. prolly. never really had the chance to be.
45. Do you have anyone who you consider a brother/sister but they really arent?
yea. cathy and ori.
47. Do you like country music?
not really.
48. Did any of your friends go out with any of your ex's?
nope.
49. Are looks important?
yes. but not the most important
50. Have you ever had someone sing to you?
nope
51. Are you mad at someone right now?
nope
52. Where do you keep your money?
haha what money?
57. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
nope. tattoo as soon as i turn 18 though = ]
58. Do you believe in love?
yes. just not for me.
59. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
after career.
60. What would you do if someone smacked your butt?
depends on who it was
yes
2. When was the last time something bothered you?
school yesterday
3. What would you do if your ex showed up at your door?
shut the door
5. What do you think of this person you took this from?
ori
6. Where was your default picture taken?
creek w/ kay
7. Who was your last text from?
aubrey i think
8. What's the most interesting thing that happened to you today?
slept till noon
9. What's your favorite number?
8
10. Are you single?
yies
11. What is your current mood?
tired
12. Last people you hung out with?
my family i guess?
13. What sports do you enjoy playing?
soccer. Basketball. softball isn't so bad
14. Do you have a crazy side?
indeed
15. Have you ever had a near death experience?
not really
16. What was the highlight of your week?
i don't remember
17. Could you date someone who was a bad kisser?
prolly. it'd be annoying though
18. Who would be the first to know if you got someone pregnant/got pregnant?
ori. or my sister
24. What's the last thing someone said to you?
"feed the cats"
25. Where is your phone?
upstairs
26. Do you like cuddling?
yes = ]
27. Who/what do you hate/dislike currently?
being home
28. Have you ever been given an engagement ring?
nope
29. Would you ever cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend?
nope
30. Would you ever date a friends ex?
depends
32. What is the last thing you thought about?
dunno
33. When is your birthday?
august 27
35. How do you feel about your hair right now?
don't really care
36. Do you miss anyone?
a couple people
37. What do you miss most about the past?
innocence
39. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating?
who can't?
41. What was your new years resolution?
lose weight
43. Do you think you lead people on?
hahahahaha no.
44. Are you afraid of falling in love?
idk. prolly. never really had the chance to be.
45. Do you have anyone who you consider a brother/sister but they really arent?
yea. cathy and ori.
47. Do you like country music?
not really.
48. Did any of your friends go out with any of your ex's?
nope.
49. Are looks important?
yes. but not the most important
50. Have you ever had someone sing to you?
nope
51. Are you mad at someone right now?
nope
52. Where do you keep your money?
haha what money?
57. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
nope. tattoo as soon as i turn 18 though = ]
58. Do you believe in love?
yes. just not for me.
59. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
after career.
60. What would you do if someone smacked your butt?
depends on who it was
Friday, March 14, 2008
Random
so I've decided that i like water color. for the longest time i would hate any art project that Mrs Dalton made us do that involved water color. But the other day i had the most random urge to go find my old watercolor set and go paint. so i did cause i had time, and now I've decided that water color isn't so horrible after all. Actually right now I'm waiting for the bottom coat of a piece to dry so i can paint a plane. a DC-3 to be exact.
i hate breaks from school. as nice as not having to wake us early is, i hate being bored. because when I'm bored, i think to much. and thinking hurts. haha yea not in that way. nope, thinking makes it feel like my lungs are missing. its hard to breath, then i kick myself cause i know i shouldn't be thinking about this kind of thing anyways. And I've decided i hate the color green. cause every time i see it, i start thinking.
anyways. My dad got home from Charlotte last night, and omg was he in an emo mood. my mom was asleep on the couch when he got home, and he managed to get it in his head that she was sleeping on the couch because she didn't want him to be home. seriously that man is worse than me as far as taking things that actually don't mean anything and assigning way to much to it.
and then he decided that the person he needed to talk to about this was me. i had managed to forget for a little while and it seemed like every thing he said blew the hole in my chest open wider. i don't know why it effected me so bad this time. it wasn't like this was the first time he had ever unloaded all he problems onto me, but it just seemed to open so many old scars. it was wierd.
Also i read my bible for the first time in awhile last night. It was nice. I'm glad though that this year i've been able to hold onto my faith. i know it's not my strength that did it. but i'm glad i still have it.
i really am a happy person. i promise.
and again. sorry about all the randomness.
i hate breaks from school. as nice as not having to wake us early is, i hate being bored. because when I'm bored, i think to much. and thinking hurts. haha yea not in that way. nope, thinking makes it feel like my lungs are missing. its hard to breath, then i kick myself cause i know i shouldn't be thinking about this kind of thing anyways. And I've decided i hate the color green. cause every time i see it, i start thinking.
anyways. My dad got home from Charlotte last night, and omg was he in an emo mood. my mom was asleep on the couch when he got home, and he managed to get it in his head that she was sleeping on the couch because she didn't want him to be home. seriously that man is worse than me as far as taking things that actually don't mean anything and assigning way to much to it.
and then he decided that the person he needed to talk to about this was me. i had managed to forget for a little while and it seemed like every thing he said blew the hole in my chest open wider. i don't know why it effected me so bad this time. it wasn't like this was the first time he had ever unloaded all he problems onto me, but it just seemed to open so many old scars. it was wierd.
Also i read my bible for the first time in awhile last night. It was nice. I'm glad though that this year i've been able to hold onto my faith. i know it's not my strength that did it. but i'm glad i still have it.
i really am a happy person. i promise.
and again. sorry about all the randomness.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Stupid
so seriously. people need to Get over high school drama. there are actually real people out there with real problems. whether or not some guy or girl will talk to you, is not a real problem. seriously people. get over yourselves.
when people get all bent out of shape about highschool it makes me want to laugh and scream at the same time. Even if you have problems, leave them with people who care, and if your biggest problem in life is some Guy whose got and head full of rocks who won't talk to you, or is mad cause you don't like him, DUMP HIS BUTT. He'll move on. and if he won't he's not worth the trouble.
So pick yourself up, stop moping around and throwing pity parties for yourself and freakin do somthing about it.
when people get all bent out of shape about highschool it makes me want to laugh and scream at the same time. Even if you have problems, leave them with people who care, and if your biggest problem in life is some Guy whose got and head full of rocks who won't talk to you, or is mad cause you don't like him, DUMP HIS BUTT. He'll move on. and if he won't he's not worth the trouble.
So pick yourself up, stop moping around and throwing pity parties for yourself and freakin do somthing about it.
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